making my life beautiful

For months, I've been praying for God to show me how to be intimate with Him, how to be completely vulnerable with Him.  Little did I understand what I had asked for. 

I was holding a small baby the other day and she began to cry because how I was holding her, but once I wrapped my arms around her bringing her closer to my chest, she felt secure and calmed down.  She was completely dependent on me so that she wouldn't fall and she longed for that security.  It felt so similar to how we have intimacy with God.  It comes from those moments when we are completely dependent on him and all we know to do is draw closer.  Intimacy with God will never come out of a mediocore walk with him, it will never bloom from a comfortable lifestyle.  Learning how to be vulnerable and intimate comes in times of brokenness, when all we know to do is to cling to him as a small child, surrendering all we have.   

Moses is one of my favorite people in the Bible.  He is vulnerable and scared, and he clearly expresses that to God before he goes to Egypt to free the Israelites - he felt completely inadequate for what God was asking of him.  In Deuteronomy 1:29, he is speaking to the Israelites and reminding them of God's promises.  They had been wandering aimlessly, walking in doubt and fear, and Moses is trying (yet again) to reassure them of the promises of God so that they can go forward.  Moses reminds them of the work God did in Egypt, he reminds them that God provided and worked everything out for their good, that God protected them and he is faithful to do it again.  I love what Moses says,

"... do not be terrified, do not be afraid of them.  The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert.  There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."   

How different would our lives be if we could truly understand how he cares for us?  How different would my walk be if I was truly resting in knowing that he loves me and cares for me?  How many believers are hindered in their intimacy with God because they doubt the love he has for them?  What would it take to convince me of God's love?  A cross, perhaps?

At this time in my life, all i know to do is depend on God.  Like I said, little did I know what I asked for, but there is something truly beautiful in a intimate life spent with him. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11 ~ "He has made everything beautiful in its own time."