offering my "help"

So I put these little reminders on my phone that continuously go off at random.  I was using the calendar one day and thought "why do I only enter important dates in here? why not other stuff?"  And that's where this all began.  I began plugging in little reminders such as....

Stop trying to do it yourself.

Trust God is working.

Seek first the kingdom of God and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

I need these little reminders to keep me sane... for your sake and mine.  :o)  My worries get the best of me.  I struggle so much with trying to make things happen as I think they should.  {yes, yes... I can be a control freak at times}.  It's hard to just let go.  I want to feel at peace and just know God is working, but my mind gets so wrapped up in what I can do to help or how I can fix things.  I need to remember that God does not need my help.  Sometimes... it's not about us... ok, so it's never about us.  It's all about Him. 

One of my biggest struggles is trusting that God cares about my future... my future spouse, children, having a family, work, etc.  So many times, I feel that these things are forgotten by God.  {wow... vulnerability just kicked into high gear}  He cares about us... even the little things we think He doesn't notice, all those things in our lives that we feel may be insignificant or forgotten by God, He remembers.  The truth is, we are never looked over, we are never forgotten, never put on the back burner. 

Sometimes all we need to do is stand.  To simply stand, be at rest, and let God work.  God is faithful,  He is good, and our mistakes or short-falls take nothing away from His sovereignty.  He does know what He's doing and doesn't need our "help."  My way of helping makes things far more complicated than they need to be and I get in my own way.  You know what God wants me to do?  To worship Him and wait.  Nothing else is needed. 

But my imperfect self constantly feels this urge to "make things happen," "to be busy" and "try harder."  The other day I was praying and just felt this prompting in my heart from the Lord, saying, "why do you doubt who I am?"  Why do I treat God like He can't handle these things that burden me?  Why do I act like I have to do something because He's not!? 

I just have failed to remember who He is.  I have failed to realize that He is working, even when it seems He's not.  He is doing something, He never rests, never grows weary and His will is perfect.  I don't know what else to do now, but to wait and ask for peace {I can't even do that without His help}.  When my heart feels anxious and scared... and all I can do is stand.  I have been told to stand.  To stand and watch Him work in ways I do not yet understand, but will soon see it all come together.

"The Lord will fight for you, you shall hold your peace and remain at rest."  Exodus 14:14

"Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out one after another, calling each by its name. And he counts them to see that none are lost or have strayed away.
O Israel, how can you say the LORD does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case?  Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak.  Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up.  But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:26-31 

i choose... {what do you choose?}

faith over despair
basketball over Nascar
baseball over Nascar {so many things are better than Nascar}
lipgloss over lipstick
too little over too much {yes, i know this doesn't always make sense}
books over TV
CNN over Fox
string instruments over wind instruments
Van Gogh over Monet (most of the time)
desktop over laptop
Michael Vartan (nerdy hotness) over Matthew McConaughey (arrogant hotness)
swimming over white water rafting {depending on who I'm with}
laying out at the pool over laying out at the beach {although i do love the beach}
running over walking
Christmas over Thanksgiving
acts of service over receiving gifts
sense of humor over sense of style
sweet potato fries over regular fries
honey mustard over ranch
dogs over cats
sweats over jeans {depending on if i leave the house}
lattes over coffee
Elf over The Grinch
comedy over drama
bookstores over the mall
Suduko over Crosswords
getting up early over sleeping late
autumn over winter {surprise!} :o)
Rice Dream over milk
alibris over amazon
education over ignorance
Water over soda
flip flops over stilettos
knee-high boots over stilettos
Japanese food over Chinese food
The Cosby Show over Full House {of that's tough one}
Fresh Prince over Saved by the Bell
cookies over cake
anyone that CAN sing over Shakira who can't
Pro-life over Pro-choice
star gazing over Star! reading
pedicures over maincures
too cold over too hot
essay writing over test taking
new Covenant over old law
love over riches

Mamaw Bea

Let each generation tell its children of Your mighty acts. ~ Psalm 145:4 


Thank you Mamaw Bea.  She is a woman of God, full of beauty and strength.  Where would we be if it weren't for her prayers? She just celebrated her 81st birthday!  Booyah!  Go Mamaw! 

grace upon grace...

I did not understand the emphasis of grace that had been on my heart until recently. 

I was recently faced with a very hard situation.  Someone had brought something to my attention, months had passed and it was becoming harder for me to let it go.  Scripture tells us that sin destroys lives and it's true.  The thing is.... sin disguises itself, it's deceiving and it starts off small and builds until it traps you in and you don't know how you got to that place in your life.  Sin hurts us, but most importantly it hurts the heart of God.  I hate dealing with confrontation, but what would have happened had it never been brought up again?  Things would continue... continue to damage lives, to hurt people, and to affect their relationship with God.  Of course, I am hated by some.  To some... I am the one who is "pointing fingers and not admiting my own sin."  Truth is...

I know whose I am.  For the first time in my life, I know this and I'm walking in that truth.     

I am a warrior.  I will stand for the truth and fight for souls in the kingdom of God. 

I am a sinner... I am the definition of imperfect.  I am made from dirt... and without the very breathe of the living God that is in me, I am nothing. 

I am not faithful... but God is.  He is faithful when we're not.  His strength is perfect in my weakness.

I am a daughter.  I am, amazingly enough, a child of God.  Why He hasn't kicked me out of his family is beyond me.

I am loved.  He loves us when we are unloveable.  He sees every flaw, every mistake, every epic fail in our lives, yet still loves us.  That is grace, upon grace, upon grace....

I am in need of grace... and should show grace to others just as Christ has shown grace to me.

"Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple.  A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them.  As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. 

The law of Moses says to stone her.  What do you say?" 

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.  They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone."  Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. 

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.  Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, "where are your accusers?  Didn't even one of them condemn you?" 

"No, Lord," she said. 

And Jesus said, "Neither do I.  Go and sin no more." 

John 8: 1-11

This is Our God {Chris Tomlin}

A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm
This is our God
He will wipe away your tears
and return your wasted years
This is our God
So call upon His Name
He is mighty to save
This is our God


A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken
This is our God
And he brings peace to our madness
and comfort in our sadness
This is our God
So call upon His Name
He is mighty to save
This is our God

This is the one we have waited for
Jesus Lord and Savior
This is our God
A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful
This is our God

This song has continuously been on my mind.  I love little reminders that surprise me, reminding me of God's character.  This year has started off a little rough, but it is now April and I'm watching him put all the pieces together with grace and compassion.  One of my favorite lines in this song is "he will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years."  I feel as if my years of "living a Christian life" have not been lived to the fullest, but in fact, sometimes I feel they are wasted years.  I feel like a hypocrite, someone who has been teaching and talking about God, but in my own life, my walk has been inconsistent.  Despite my faithlessness, God is faithful.   This is our God. 

God is teaching me what it means to depend on him and walk with him, for apart from him.... I am nothing.  I may feel as if the years are wasted, but God was preparing me the whole time.  I wasn't always listening... so it's just taken me a little longer.  I have believed the insults, the presumptions about me... if I felt a certain way, then I believed that was who I was.  I believed that I would always be the fearful little girl from my childhood, walking in intimidation, afraid to say how I felt because of constant feeling that my opinion wasn't valid.  God is my healer and restorer of all things, I have literally watched him turn my life {and others} upside down all for his glory and our good.  This is our God. 

God is teaching me about all that He is, that HE lives within me and makes me who I am.  I may be full of flaws but I know the God who lives within me and uses me still.  There is a quiet strength that I can rest in when I believe and trust that God is who He says He is.  He is my comfort in this sadness and peace in this madness.  This is our God. 

He is all I need and I am learning to recognize that in my life.  Every breath, every step, every word spoken from my mouth.... I desperately need to come from him.