I can honestly say for the first time in my life that I love my job. It is ministry and it's wonderful, i work with amazing, talented people and i feel incredibly blessed to be there. I literally got everything I prayed for.
What most people don't know is a deeper longing that God has placed uniquely on my heart, and burdened me to the point of hurting. My love is children and youth - to see them learning about God, to see families come together and watch them grow. It makes me smile! I love watching moms and dads teach the classes and to watch the children grasp the lessons. I love the children and the youth that I work with - to see them becoming disciples and growing in their faith. It's an extra bonus when I see the older children guiding the younger. Eeeeeeeee! :o)
In the middle of this love for them.... my heart breaks for orphans. I have a burden for orphans that makes me weep. I want to help, to provide for them, to take care of them somehow, and to help them know Christ and be disciples, for them to know they are loved! I want them to know they are loved! They are not abandoned, God cherishes them and loves them more than anything! It breaks my heart to know they have no mom and dad because of war, disease, and starvation. I hate it.... it is heartbreaking to hear their stories of watching their mom raped and killed by soldiers. I just can't... it breaks my heart.
My heart is anxious to see what God has planned. I don't know the "how"or the "where" and as I feel this constant need to be in control.... it bothers me immensely. I don't feel called to be a full-time missionary, I love working here and I feel like the work I do here will be taken outside the church... hopefully across the world. I just don't know where. I already feel Uganda calling me and feel like I will be there within the next few years. Maybe Kenya too? Dominican again? Brazil? Local children's homes in NC?
I'm trying to let go, to trust that God has a plan and he is at work even now. At my job, I write/edit curriculum for Sunday school, plan VBS along-side some amazing volunteers, I act like a fool on stage during a family worship time for the kids to learn a Bible lesson, I organize presentations, meetings and newsletters and I am constantly editing! And i love it all. It will all be worth it when it's taken across the world one day.
I am anxious to see how all this will pan out. I also worry about other random things.... these desires I have to get married and start my own family. What happens to that? Should I forget it? How can I when it's so deep? What happens to these desires? Part of God's plan or only mine? How does all that fit together?
I am human. I am a woman. I am 31 years old. I am broken. I am willing.
So... I just have to wait.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
feel like a kid again....
Lately, I find myself doing random things that make me feel like a kid again and i thought i would share....
- speaking whale
- speaking squirrel
- running through sprinkles {on morning runs}
- mooning my roommate
- blowing bubbles in drinks
- squirting water guns at random people
- happy dance
- coloring pictures
- talking in funny accents at random times (in drive-thrus it's awesome)
- helping friends make Pac-Man shaped waffles
- making a smiley with ketchup on my burger
- playing board games
- getting excited about G-rated movies
- fish face
- oinking in someone's ear
- making extra car sounds as i drive
- getting super excited over little things - like a coupon and finding my phone charger that was MIA for 4 months!
- watching cartoons
- my new love for whales! they're so beautiful and amazing!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...
I truly enjoy reading other blogs and there are some marvelous ideas floating around out there that are just waiting to be copied onto my page. I copied this one from here and made it my own… of course her blog is always more entertaining…. but heck I try. Happy blogging!
I can’t…
Have lactose without getting a belly ache, stay up past midnight without getting cranky, see without contacts or glasses, play tennis or sand volleyball, say "oil, boil, monster, naked, or self-conscience" correctly, listen to Paula Dean talk, flirt, sing about God and feel sad at the same time.
But I can…
hit a softball, run long distances, cook, drive anything, sing along to most Disney movies, sound like a real monkey and a llama, do the Roger Rabbit, do great research, let my facial expressions and body language speak for me (and get me in trouble), speak whale, learn squirrel, walk out of the mall without buying anything! It’s like my superpower!!!
I won’t…
talk to your pet bird, eat at Taco Bell, tell you I like your new haircut or outfit if I don’t {it's for your own good}, pay more than $25 for a shirt, eat lima beans, do the electric slide, waste money on magazines, drink anything with Splenda, strongly pursue a man - i cherish chivalry and pray for it in my husband.
But I will…
love you, support you, encourage you and never belittle you, clap my hands and jump up and down when I get excited, always love hugs and kisses {for the most part}, laugh at myself, make silly faces when taking pictures just because I think it’s more interesting, laugh loudly and snort at the most inappropriate times, do the cabbage patch just to embarrass you, try my best to act like a lady, make fun of Shakira, always sing in the car {especially when no one is around}, love and pray for each of the children and families I meet.
I shouldn’t….
consume enough white chocolate that would feed a small village, give my opinion as often as I do {at least I have one}, stay up late, hold grudges, get frustrated with things that I can’t control, get upset when I get lost… it’s not like it helps me find my way, let negative people influence me, dwell on the past, be so stubborn.
I should…
make a video of me dancing to find out if they’re laughing with me or at me, save up money for New Zealand, tell my mom how I really feel, be on time for everything… I’ve gotten much better but still I should be on time no matter what, learn to dance in the rain, travel more, hold fast to the calling God has on me to work with orphans somehow, and of course.... I should learn to smile more, laugh more and love more.
I can’t…
Have lactose without getting a belly ache, stay up past midnight without getting cranky, see without contacts or glasses, play tennis or sand volleyball, say "oil, boil, monster, naked, or self-conscience" correctly, listen to Paula Dean talk, flirt, sing about God and feel sad at the same time.
But I can…
hit a softball, run long distances, cook, drive anything, sing along to most Disney movies, sound like a real monkey and a llama, do the Roger Rabbit, do great research, let my facial expressions and body language speak for me (and get me in trouble), speak whale, learn squirrel, walk out of the mall without buying anything! It’s like my superpower!!!
I won’t…
talk to your pet bird, eat at Taco Bell, tell you I like your new haircut or outfit if I don’t {it's for your own good}, pay more than $25 for a shirt, eat lima beans, do the electric slide, waste money on magazines, drink anything with Splenda, strongly pursue a man - i cherish chivalry and pray for it in my husband.
But I will…
love you, support you, encourage you and never belittle you, clap my hands and jump up and down when I get excited, always love hugs and kisses {for the most part}, laugh at myself, make silly faces when taking pictures just because I think it’s more interesting, laugh loudly and snort at the most inappropriate times, do the cabbage patch just to embarrass you, try my best to act like a lady, make fun of Shakira, always sing in the car {especially when no one is around}, love and pray for each of the children and families I meet.
I shouldn’t….
consume enough white chocolate that would feed a small village, give my opinion as often as I do {at least I have one}, stay up late, hold grudges, get frustrated with things that I can’t control, get upset when I get lost… it’s not like it helps me find my way, let negative people influence me, dwell on the past, be so stubborn.
I should…
make a video of me dancing to find out if they’re laughing with me or at me, save up money for New Zealand, tell my mom how I really feel, be on time for everything… I’ve gotten much better but still I should be on time no matter what, learn to dance in the rain, travel more, hold fast to the calling God has on me to work with orphans somehow, and of course.... I should learn to smile more, laugh more and love more.
Mamaw's Flirting 101
This is a post from my old blog which is giving me a hard time recently so I'm just transferring the little things I like over to this one! Hope you enjoy! This one cracks me up....
I was on the phone yesterday with my Mamaw and she decided to give me flirting tips so i can get married and pop out some grandbabies for her. I couldn’t help but laugh as she proceeded to tell me "how to get a man." I'm thinkin' she should write a book! She even demonstrated how the conversation should go! I made sure to take mental notes of the convo through my laughter. I couldn't really write much at the time as I was having trouble breathing. :o)
1. “You have to get out there and sell yourself. Have you ever heard of that honey?” No, she wasn’t recommending prostitution. She was basically saying that I should not go out without my makeup on and that I need to always look presentable in order “to get a guy.” She told me that I need to always look nice to get the right attention. Dude! That means no more Aeropostale sweat pants!? What the french toast?!
2. “You can ask him what he’s been up to and when he says… blah blah…. then you say well, I do that too… why don’t we do that together?” lol! My Mamaw was actually giving me vocabulary to use for the conversation that I should be having with my future husband.
3. “You can’t be shy honey, just go talk to the guys, get out there and mingle. I know you’re shy when it comes to boys, you always have been.” Ok... so apparently she knows me better than I thought. Great. I am shy when it comes to guys, especially if I really like them, then it’s worse. I usually clam up and say the wrong thing. Ok… so she has a point.
4. “Are you getting out more and being sociable and getting to know new people?” To this, I honestly answered yes! I am sociable. I get out a lot and do things with friends and meet new people. I still struggle with being a little shy. Oh well.
5. “Do you talk to any of the guys you know? How often are you around them?” Nope don't talk to them at all, Mamaw. I just stalk them like prey! {kidding} I’m around them enough. I truly believe in chivalry and that a man should do the pursuing. If a guy is interested, he just needs to say something. My Mamaw apparently thinks this slows down the process.
6. “I know you’re not in a hurry, you don’t want just anybody and that’s good. You’ll pick a good one and he’ll be lucky to have you.”
“Thanks Mamaw.”
I was on the phone yesterday with my Mamaw and she decided to give me flirting tips so i can get married and pop out some grandbabies for her. I couldn’t help but laugh as she proceeded to tell me "how to get a man." I'm thinkin' she should write a book! She even demonstrated how the conversation should go! I made sure to take mental notes of the convo through my laughter. I couldn't really write much at the time as I was having trouble breathing. :o)
1. “You have to get out there and sell yourself. Have you ever heard of that honey?” No, she wasn’t recommending prostitution. She was basically saying that I should not go out without my makeup on and that I need to always look presentable in order “to get a guy.” She told me that I need to always look nice to get the right attention. Dude! That means no more Aeropostale sweat pants!? What the french toast?!
2. “You can ask him what he’s been up to and when he says… blah blah…. then you say well, I do that too… why don’t we do that together?” lol! My Mamaw was actually giving me vocabulary to use for the conversation that I should be having with my future husband.
3. “You can’t be shy honey, just go talk to the guys, get out there and mingle. I know you’re shy when it comes to boys, you always have been.” Ok... so apparently she knows me better than I thought. Great. I am shy when it comes to guys, especially if I really like them, then it’s worse. I usually clam up and say the wrong thing. Ok… so she has a point.
4. “Are you getting out more and being sociable and getting to know new people?” To this, I honestly answered yes! I am sociable. I get out a lot and do things with friends and meet new people. I still struggle with being a little shy. Oh well.
5. “Do you talk to any of the guys you know? How often are you around them?” Nope don't talk to them at all, Mamaw. I just stalk them like prey! {kidding} I’m around them enough. I truly believe in chivalry and that a man should do the pursuing. If a guy is interested, he just needs to say something. My Mamaw apparently thinks this slows down the process.
6. “I know you’re not in a hurry, you don’t want just anybody and that’s good. You’ll pick a good one and he’ll be lucky to have you.”
“Thanks Mamaw.”
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