{promises}

I believe the holidays are getting to me.  This oh-so-obvious state of being single at Christmas is my latest struggle... as it is for many others.  {I just hate admitting it}.  The funny thing is that even through this struggle, I feel God reminding me of His promises a little bit everyday.

Today I was driving to my mom's house and I was reminded of a sweet word spoken to me years ago.   I was driving home from work and I was crying.  The story is that I liked this guy and he liked someone else.  She was incredibly talented and beautiful, and just the fact that he didn't like me made me feel that I was not those things.  I felt rejected.  My prayer wasn't really any words but more of a groaning really. {quite pathetic I know}  I do remember praying that God would bless me with a husband and that if this guy was not what was best for me, that He would bring someone else.  Then in a moment, my whole perspective changed.  I heard this sweet whisper.  It was one of those moments where you know it's not you, you just know that it's God...

"He will chase you as I have chased you and love you as I have loved you."  

I immediately felt at peace.  It gave me joy knowing that He cared about this heartbreak.  To know that God wasn't ignoring my pain, but was compassionate and spoke encouragement to me.  Weeks later, I began to doubt and wondered if that was really God speaking... did it even line up with the Word?  I found that in Ephesians 5, Paul talks about how we, as believers, should live our lives in wisdom and love for others.  He goes on to talk about the unity of husband and wife and how the marriage covenant should honor God.  

"And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church.  He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word.  He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.  Instead, she will be holy and without fault.  In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.  For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife.   No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.  And we are his body."  

It still amazes me that God cares about this part of my life.  That may sound silly to some, but for so long I felt like this part of my life was oblivious to Him.  I love knowing that God desires for me to pursued and loved by my husband.  He longs for me to be protected and cherished... as He already protects, cherishes and loves me as His bride.  I love how He wants me to love and respect my husband, to pray and care for him.  This gives me joy in knowing He will bless my marriage!  

As a young girl, I never wanted to get married.  Are you shocked?  Most people are when I tell them that.  I just never thought any good could come of getting married because of my parents.  As a young teenager, I came to know a wonderful youth pastor and his wife that showed me how a godly marriage should be.  They argued occasionally {in a healthy way of course} but more than anything I saw their love for one another.  They were affectionate and loving, they spoke with kindness and respect.  {something I never saw at home} I am SO thankful for them!  They made me believe that marriage can be a good thing.  I still struggled with this fear through my early twenties, but I began to see more and more marriages come together that honored God.  As I've grown in my faith, God's promises to me are more real everyday.  Unfortunately I am fought in this area more than any other part of my life.  Satan attacks me so much and I become discouraged... I believe He attacks more because he is aware of the blessing that is to come in my life.   I believe God has bigger plans for me than what I plan for myself!  I believe He is a loving Heavenly Father who only longs to give me good things.   {THAT} has taken me years to believe!  I believe part of his plan is to bless me with a husband, a family and a home that glorifies Him!  As a close friend once said.... "You were created for Him."  It really is all about Him, His timing, His plan.... so that He is glorified.   It's not about me.  

In regards to the guy that I liked back in the day.... thank you Jesus that I never dated him!  hahaha!  And because this is my blog and I am not naming any names I can say he was {at least back then} quite a coward, a gossip, and more of a follower than a leader.   I guess God knew what he was doing after all because I would have a hard time respecting a man like that.  

{provision}

Luke 12:27 - 32 
"Look at the lilies and how they grow.  They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.  And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?  You have so little faith!  And don't worry about food - what to eat and drink.  Don't worry whether God will provide it for you.  These things dominate the thoughts of most people, but your Father already knows your needs.  He will give you all you need from day to day if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.  So don't be afraid, little flock.  For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom."  


I must tell of God's provision and goodness in my life!  I had an extremely hard time writing a tithing check in November for many, many reasons.  I have questioned tithing but the more I read, the more I believe it's something God asks of us as believers.  I was worried about my bills and rent.  I was sitting in church and prayed that God would provide financially, help me get out of my current lease and provide for me a place to stay within a week {as I was planning to move in 7 days}.  I wrote the check and prayed that God would be faithful.... as He always is.

5 hours later.... a girl from church asked me if I needed a place to stay while my life adjusts for a bit.  Booyah!!!

i {LOVE} it when God provides!

Oh and btw - I owe nothing on my lease.  Go God!

... and I have a job starting in January.  :o)

God A.K.A. Genie in a bottle?

I've heard the question many times, "if God is such a loving God, why is there suffering and pain?" 

I have dealt with many situations in my life that have made me ask that question.  Situations such as when a young friend was taken in tragic motorcycle accident, friends hit by drunk drivers, family members were in horrible/almost fatal car accidents and loosing my Papaw to cancer.  Sometimes it's hard to still have hope, but at the end of the day, I still believe in a Savior that is faithful and good.  I believe in a God who has felt every pain we feel and comforts us through those difficult times.  Why do I believe this?  Is it just blind hope?

Please do not take what I'm about to say the wrong way.  Please do not think in any way that I am minimizing someone's pain.  I just ask myself - why do so many of us experience pain?  Then again, why not?  It seems I feel entitled to goodness and the easy life with no suffering.  Could it be that my view of God is this - that whatever god I serve, He should give me exactly what I want and when he doesn't live up to my expectations, then I no longer believe or trust him?  Because in my mind, that is what I think God should be?  He should do everything I ask, just like a genie and when he doesn't, he has failed me.  Why is my perception of God so... off?

So, why is there suffering?  I obviously don't have all the answers.  My belief is that sin entered this world thousands of years ago and continues to destroy lives.  I still believe God is sovereign and loving.  I believe He knows more than me and there is a greater, more beautiful plan than what I can see.  I grew up in an abusive home... why?  Because people have free will and make poor choices.  Why did I watch my friend die from a motorcycle accident?  I don't know, maybe God wanted him more than I did.

I don't know why God chooses to do certain things or why He allows things to happen.  But I know that my Savior suffered for me.
He was spat upon, whipped by metal belts that dug into his back and ripped the skin off.
He was stripped naked and forced to carry a cross meant for a common criminal.
He was nailed to a cross and died for me as a sacrifice for my sin.
He rose again on the third day, conquering death and fulfilling all prophecies of a Savior for all humanity. 
He took on all our sin... while we were still sinners.
I know that because of this... my Savior knows pain.
He understands our sufferings and our weaknesses.  And through the blood on the cross, He heals.
He mends our brokenness, He dries our tears and heals our deepest wounds.
Through the cross is peace.  And because of Him, I can live... even with all the suffering in the world.

He is not my genie.  He is my God.

"If you base your view of God’s love on your circumstances, you will become confused. There may be times when you will ask, “How could a loving God allow this to happen to me?” You may begin to question what you find clearly stated in the Word of God. God promised that you would never be separated from His love; He did not say that you would never face hardship, persecution, poverty, or danger. If you doubt that God could love you and still allow you to experience difficult experiences, consider the life of Jesus."    –Henry Blackaby

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