Humpty Dumpty

This past week has been rough.  I feel a little like Humpty Dumpty....broken and lying on the ground waiting for God to pick me up.  You may know what I'm talking about. 

Have you ever had someone reject you? 
Have you had someone that you love not be able to handle correction or instruction that's for their good? 
Have you had someone make you feel worthless and easily replaceable? {everything that contradicts God's word}

Satan had his game plan set for me to struggle with worry and doubt for the past month.  I've been debating whether or not to be involved with a particular group.  I've doubted participating because of the hardships that I had last year.  I've prayed for particular people - for God to give me wisdom.  This has been a very hard week.  I have felt like everything I've done has been pointless and made no difference at all.  "Friends" who know about it {because they saw it} still have yet to call me.  {just read the previous post on distant friendships and THAT is why i distance myself}. 

I have officially watched as Satan has used individuals to cause division in the body of Christ.  God has already told me that they will again cause a divide where there is supposed to be unity as brothers and sisters in Christ. I know that others are going to have a hard time and God has specifically told me to pray for them, and I will. 

Since my life has been flipped upside-down recently, I have had multiple people approach me about my value being in Christ and not in these things.  These individuals do not know each other, yet both have reaffirmed my faith.  {truly a blessing i really needed to hear}  God has given me a sweet peace and comfort through this but it's still hard.  It comforts me to know that He is faithful and good to those who love Him, to know that I'm completely surrounded by His love!  THAT is my joy.  And only that. 

{one of the many scripture readings this week}
"I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." ~ john 15:5

some friendships are meant to be distant

{venting}  Lots of things on my mind that I haven't even shared with my closest friends.  I have felt slightly hurt and confused lately.  I thought that through certain activities that I would meet life-long friends.  Unfortunately, this has not been the case. 

I watch my friends/acquaintances actions {that they are completely unaware of} and I feel that they can be very "preoccupied" or another way to put it.... inconsiderate.  I have friends who I'll be in mid conversation with and they will turn their back to me and speak to someone passing by.  Not just one comment or a quick hello, but go into deep conversation with them.  I just feel like that is so rude.  I know sometimes this has happened and the person actually came back to me to finish the convo and I was so thankful and I just thought that was so sweet.   

I'm tired of trying to please people.  Seriously.  It's not worth my energy.  It's literally drains me.  I'm tired of caring so much for people who show no consideration for me.  I except respect.  It's really quite simple.   

I keep telling myself that "i need to be sociable, i need to have people in my life and make stronger, sweeter friendships."  You know what... yeah i do, but only with people who are deserving of my time and energy.  Otherwise, I get hurt.  I don't like it when people {multiple times} say they will join me for a get-together/party/dinner and I keep looking for them to walk through the door and come to find out, they fell asleep.  They won't answer their phone because they're drooling on it! 

If I have distanced myself from you, it may simply be that I'm unaware and need that brought to my attention and I will apologize.  It may have not been done on purpose at all.  There are however those that I have distanced myself from for the very reasons listed above. 

I'm tired of mediocore friendships.  I want relationships, I want to bond and pray with people, I want better communication, I want to be intimate and talk with people in a deep convo that's better than a quick hello/goodbye.  I want to relate with them.... but I would really like the same thing in return. 

This is my statement that I will hold to - I will not put so much effort, energy and worry into these mediocore friendships with those that have little consideration for anyone other than themselves.  If I am asked why I have been distant, I will be completely honest and give correction as needed with love {as iron sharpens iron} for if we are not corrected, how can we grow?  AND I will be willing to listen to correction given to me so that I may grow and be held accountable. 
That is all.