I'm a Sprout!

Some of you know that these past couple years have been rough.  {this is not a whiney blog I promise} I have been in an environment where everything I say or do is looked down on.  I've been yelled at for some of the most ridiculous things. I've been told that I'm incompetent. I've had doors slammed in my face and papers jerked out of my hand.  I've dealt with constant belittling and verbal abuse.  It's been incredibly unhealthy and my self-esteem has taken a hit. This has affected all my relationships.

However, this is a new season and things are changing! I'm so excited! I am beyond thrilled to be moving forward in life!!!  :-) 

I have learned a lot from this person. One thing I've learned is to not allow someone's words to form my identity. Just because someone labels you as something doesn't mean that is who you are.  It's hard to overcome this when their words are drilled into you almost everyday.  I honestly had started to believe what they said about me, but their words really mean nothing other than proving their ignorance. 

Romans 8 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible because it talks about our identities in Christ. My identity comes from my Heavenly Father - who loves me, sent His Son to die for me and He calls me beloved, beautiful, His royal daughter.

During youth service a few weeks ago, I was knelt down praying and I found this scripture on a note lying on the floor, as soon as I read it, I thought this is exactly what God is doing right now.

"The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word.  I send it out, and it always produces fruit.  It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands!  Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow.  Where briers grew, myrtles will sprout up.  This miracle will bring great honor to the LORD's name; it will be an everlasting sign of his power and love." - Isaiah 55:10-13

This is a reminder of the promises of God - that He is faithful and good.  His word is never lacking in power, it never returns void and there is always a purpose.  Just because we may not see something happen when we think it should, doesn't mean that God is not working.  Why would God not want good things for us?  Why would He put me in a situation of verbal abuse?  Maybe because I worry about what people say, instead of placing my whole heart in Him and holding to His truth.

"Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow. Where briers grew, myrtles will sprout up."

These last couple of years, I have felt as if I've literally had a thorn choking the life out of me.  Thorns keep plants from growing because they hinder them from getting the nutrients they need.  Flowers eventually become so weak, they can't bloom.  Then all you see is a dying, wimpy leaf lying on the ground, helpless, barely hanging on to its last breath.  What does the gardener do?  I've seen gardners have such a hard time with thorns, they actually have to use a bull-dozer to plow through them.  Sometimes a gardner is able to wear thick gloves and rip the thorns out by hand, but not always.  He may have to re-plant things in a new place so they can grow in a healthy enviroment.  It may take time to rebloom and it won't be easy, but the new soil will be healthy and allow the little flower to bloom.  So.... I'm a sprout!  :-) 

I'm so excited! I see new life, a new season! I see myself blooming! I feel as if I'm this tiny, little bulb breathing air for the first time in years! I see all my friends that have supported me as these beautiful mountains and hills surrounding me bursting into song, praising God for the work He's done!  The new people I am surrounded by have already shown themselves to be uplifting and encouraging, I see them as beautiful trees around me, helping me to grow.  I look up to them and I'm learning a lot already.

I prayed for God to rescue me and He did!  I feel as if He kept digging, cutting through briars and thorns, plowing His way through... fighting for me.  He found a new place to plant me where I can bloom and be restored.  The Lord has been speaking to me a lot about restoration.  Everything that the Lord restores is for His glory, for His kingdom, so that He will be known, but the restoration process is never easy.  Ohhh... the changes in my life that are about to come!  {tear. now}

David Guzik said in his commentary,
"The picture is clear; in His glorious work of restoration, God takes away the barren and the cursed, and brings forth beauty and fruit." 

"Where briers grew, myrtles will sprout up. This miracle will bring great honor to the LORD's name; it will be an everlasting sign of his power and love...." - (myrtle- Hebrew, Hedes, from which comes Hedassah, the original name of Esther. Type of the Christian Church; for it is a lowly, though beautiful, fragrant, and evergreen shrub) Psalm 92:13-14.

This scripture had me thinking if I were a plant, what would I be?  There are so many scriptures that say things like "you will be as a tree...."  or "your mother was as a vine..."  So I am thinking what might I be seen as?  I can tell you what I think or hope to be seen as.... a calla lily. 

One of my favorite flowers is the calla lily.  They're beautiful! The calla lily is one of my favorites because it's beautiful and strong, unlike a daisy or dandelion that if you hit it the wrong way, all the petals fall off. The calla lily doesn't die easily, but it is sensitive to the cold. The stem is long and thick and the roots are strong. They are so elegant and beautiful! They bloom from a bulb so a gardner can actually dig up those bulbs and plant them, so that more will bloom - just because one calla lily bloomed.  {see where I'm going with this} They are sensitive to the frost and they have to have a balance between enough sunshine but just enough shade too. Ok, ok, so maybe I'm a little high maintenance.  :o)

I looked up the symbolic meaning of a calla lily {did not know this until now}, they symbolize a rebirth and restoration. Go figure! They also symbolize "magnificent beauty" and they are used a lot at weddings because of their elegant shape and symbol of new life. I feel as if I am being replanted to bloom and hopefully my little bulbs (testimony) can be used to bless other beautiful, strong calla lilies such as my lifegroup girls at church and I can see the next generation rise up.

Where you sit makes a Difference

How was your weekend?  Mine was wonderful!  I spent Friday being a complete goofball at game night with some friends and I made Snickerdoodles!  YUMMMMM.  I love to cook for people {weird, I know}.  I spent Saturday being productive {somewhat} by cleaning my room, lots of washing going on and I did yoga.  Friday was topped with a night of friends laughing and dancing!  Sunday I spent the day at church with Advance.  Advance is our awesome youth group and I had lunch with my fellow Advance volunteers!  They are amazingly wonderful!  They give so much of their time and energy to this ministry making a huge impact in the lives of students.  I {heart} Advance.  We had our monthly training huddle and lunch.  We had worship {Ahhh-mazing} and the sermon was awesome, then we went outside and had time for fellowship with the students.  I love my girls!  I have the bestest group ever!

In our huddle training on Sunday I was given a print out from the book Intimate Moments With A Savior by Ken Gire.  I must say... Lovvvve it!  At least the print out anyways.  The chapter we looked at was about Mary and Martha, and it was taken from Luke 10:38-42.  It was about the focus of our heart, being intimate with God and having the relationship He longs for with us.  Martha is hard at work in the kitchen preparing the meal for Jesus.  Jesus comes in from a long journey and Mary washes his feet.  Then she just sits at his feet while he tells of the disciples and the long journeys.  Martha is very busy, working hard and getting frustrated with Mary and Jesus.  Her words were "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!"  She accuses Mary of being lazy and she basically says that Jesus has no concern.  Jesus' response is kind, he says  "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."  What can not be taken away from her?  The time spent with him, the fellowship, the words of wisdom, the impact on her life of knowing who He is and how much he loves her.  Intimacy.  

Even as a woman, intimacy is hard for me.  I guess I've always thought women don't struggle with that as much as men do, so I feel like an odd ball. To really be vulnerable with someone and share everything, to talk for hours, pray for one another, to know details about each others life and share that life together - I want that so much but it's hard for me.  I need to be more vulnerable and open... how else will I ever be married?  Intimacy is kind of scary. At least I recognize that and can work through it.  I want to be more open and willing, I want to be a better listener.  Just learning to sit at his feet and listen to every word, letting it sink in and grip my heart.  I want to linger in prayer with him without thinking about what's next on my agenda.  I want my heart to change - to be devoted to him and love him more. 

I don't want to be like Martha but I know I am.  {Eeeee... admiting this on a blog}  I struggle with trying to get everything done that needs to be done.  I pack too many things into one day and run around like a crazy person.  I can be lazy on the weekends and sleep in on Saturdays... and I've watched myself go the whole day without really spending time with my Lord!  Why?  Why?  My focus is so off!  I hate this!  I'm frustrated with myself.  This scripture is convicting.  A little hard to swallow.  I know the story of Mary and Martha but it's been a while since I read it.  I admire Mary's tender heart and how she took time to sit with Jesus.  She just loved him and wanted to know him more.

"And what did Mary do?  All she did was sit.  It was where she sat that made the difference."


Prayer {from book} that I love

Dear Savior at whose feet I now sit,
When you knock on the door to my heart, what is it you are looking for?  What is it you want?  Is it not to come in to dine with me and I with you?   Is it not for fellowship? 
And yet, so often, where do you find me?  At your feet?  No.  In the kitchen.  How many times have I become distracted and left you there.... sitting... waiting.... longing? 
What is so important about my kitchen full of preparations that draws me away from you?  How can they seem so trivial now and yet so urgent when I'm caught up in them? 
Forgive me for being so much distracted by my preparations and so little attracted by your presence.  for being so diligent in my service and so negligent in my devotion.  For being so quick to my feet and so slow to yours. 
Help me understand that it is an intimate moment you seek from me, not an elaborate meal. 
Guard my heart this day from the many distractions that vie for my attention.  And help me to fix my eyes on you.  Not on my rank in the kingdom, as did the disciples.  Not on the finer points of theology, as did the scribes.  Not on the sins of others, as did the Pharisees.  Not on a place of worship, as did the woman at the well.  Not on the budget, as did Judas.  But on you. 
Bring me out of the kitchen, Lord.  Bid me come to your feet. And there may I thrill to sit and adore thee....

Easter Holiday weekend

I left work on Thursday with a feeling of excitement!  It was Easter holiday weekend and I was off work!  I was going to play softball!  Real softball!  For a church league!  Eeeee!  I haven't played since intramural sports in college!  Never been much of a ball player due to lack to arm power and severe clutziness but I was still allowed to play.  I was so excited!  I was doing ok - had some good hits, but my catching and throwing needs work.  It was near the end of practice and I went to catch a fly ball and I put both my glove and my bare hand out.  {Why? I do not know} The softball was flying through the air aiming for my glove and then it randomly decided, 'umm I don't like the looks of that glove, I'm going to hit that little hand right beside it!'  BAMMM!  My hand was hit by the evil softball.  Yeah, it hurt.  It swelled up like a blimp!  I put ice on it overnight and the next day I woke up to a still swollen, blue thumb.  Good Friday was spent running around trying to get errands done and trying to find a family practice open on Easter weekend.  It took me forever to get in touch with anyone, but I finally saw a NP.  She refused to wrap it and advised me to get an x-ray.  She sent me to probably the only family practice opened that day!  Lake Wylie Express Care was awesome.  They don't run like an urgent care so the co-pay is less!  They took an x-ray, found nothing broken but advised me to wear a brace to keep my thumb still because they could find hairline fractures that may not show up right away.  I am not to use my thumb.  Booooo!  Do you realize how much you use your thumb?  It seriously helps you do a lot!  I can't open a door or grab a drink, and it's tricky trying to wash my hair.  My hand-writing looks like chicken scratch. 

Lesson learned - Thumbs are great little phalanges to keep on hand {pun intended} so keep them safe {in a glove}.  Secondly, only use a glove to catch a softball... if they let you play again. 

The rest of my weekend involved visiting family - my Mamaw {mom's mom} who is still recooperating from hip replacement surgery {please pray for quick healing and her ability to walk better} and my other Mamaw {dad's mom} who I just got to hang out with in the kitchen a little bit.  She cooked an awesome dinner and I got to sneak a few bites before I left.  I got see everyone and catch up a little. 

The best part of my weekend was Sunday morning church.  The service was great, the message was taken from Romans 8.  {Love it!} Pastor said it was one of his favorite chapters in the Bible!  Mine too!  I love Romans 8.  It's so powerful, I actually printed it up months ago and taped it to my bathroom mirror. 

The sermon was about the resurrection and the new life we have only through Jesus Christ.  It was a wonderful reminder of God's power living within us as we walk in the Spirit, walking with Jesus Christ guiding us.  Dying to our old nature, our sinful self and becoming more like Jesus.  What if we all behaved like Christ everyday?  Christians are human, full of flaws and weaknesses and we make mistakes.  I fail miserably everyday but I know God loves me and cares for me.  Thank you for nailing my sins to the cross and the blood that you shed Jesus!  The sacrifice you made out of love for me was so pure and wonderful!  Your love is amazing!  Thank you for conquering hell, death and the grave that I may have a relationship with You!  That within itself is amazing!  The fact that because of His sacrifice, the veil in the temple split and we now have a pathway to talk with God, to know Him, to have fellowship with Him and enjoy Him.  Before then... only priests could talk with God.  lol!  Silly Catholics.  That's not needed anymore!  You're missing out!  I love Jesus!