complacency?

 "The deepest conviction of sin is not that of the newly awakened sinner, but that of the most advanced saint, for to his cleansed eye and purged heart sin is a far more hideous and repulsive thing than it can possibly be to one who has just found out that he is guilty before God.  Hence, we may lay it down as a general law, without any exceptions, that when a man congratulates himself on his personal worthiness, he is really unworthy.  Here, he who is satisfied has never really eaten, or, in the words of the hymn, 

"whoever says I want no more, 

confesses he has none." 

Satisfaction with ourselves is a clear indication that God has no complacency in us.  

Humility and holiness go hand in hand."

The Miracles of our Saviour 

by William Mackergo  Taylor  

{i have not yet read this book but found this quote and it kind of struck me}

I read this and kind of tying into that {but kind of not}my mind goes to thinking of how we, as Christians, too often become complacent in our walk with Christ.  We forget the scripture that says "repent daily."  Maybe we feel it's a one time deal, we got our fix and we're good?  As Christian believers, I don't know how many of us often confess our sins daily.  I think those outside the church many times view Christian believers as having this attitude of "holier than thou.  We can sometimes get into this unfortunate mindset of 'I'm a Christian, not a sinner like those other people.'  {uhhhh I hate just typing that}.  It's unfortunate to have this attitude.... because we are saved by His grace, but we fall short everyday. 

When we meet someone who has just come to know Christ, their joy and passion for this new found truth is refreshing!  They know they have sinned and fall short {as we all have} and they jump at the  knowledge of Jesus Christ and the power of the cross!  But we "old" Christians walking with Christ for 10+ years, we don't always recognize this.  {This is totally just a retorical "we" speaking... just my thoughts of how often I do this too casually}.  We casually walk through our daily lives, praying for those that need it, praying when we hear someone is sick, pray when we need help, etc.  That's about it.  We don't jump anymore at the joy of salvation.  We casually call on God for our convenience and not always with a deep reverence for WHO He is. 

I confess – I often forget Who He really is.  I think He will fail me.  I think He’s not for me…. maybe He’s working against me… maybe He hates me, maybe He's just like people here where they fail and sin, they fall short of my expectations.  I forget His Word, I forget the cross, I forget WHO He is.  There was a song that I used to sing titled, "God Forbid."  The words are convicting: 

The more I know your power, Lord
The more I’m mindful
How casually we speak and sing Your name
How often we have come to You
With no fear or wonder
And called upon You only for what we stand to gain

(chorus)
God forbid, that I find You so familiar
That I think of You as less than who You are
God forbid, that I should speak of You at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid

Lord, I often talk about your love and mercy
How it seems to me your goodness has no end
It frightens me to think that I could take You for granted
Though You’re closer than a brother
You’re more than just a friend

(repeat chorus)
You are Father, God Almighty
Lord of lords, your King of kings
Beyond my understanding
No less than everything

(repeat chorus)
God forbid
God forbid

Preparation

"No, the kind of fasting I want calls you to free those who are wrongly imprisoned and to stop oppressing those who work for you. Treat them fairly and give them what they earn.  I want you to share your food with the hungry and to welcome poor wanderers into your homes. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help.
"If you do these things, your salvation will come like the dawn. Yes, your healing will come quickly. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the LORD will protect you from behind.  Then when you call, the LORD will answer.  'Yes, I am here,' he will quickly reply.  "Stop oppressing the helpless and stop making false accusations and spreading vicious rumors!  Feed the hungry and help those in trouble. 
Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as day.  The LORD will guide you continually, watering your life when you are dry and keeping you healthy, too. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.  Your children will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities. Then you will be known as the people who rebuild their walls and cities." - Isaiah  58:6-12

I've been reading more on these verses and the way God was directing His people to fast.  He was teaching the people to fast so that it honored Him only.  They were fasting to "please themselves." Only with a pure heart can we selflessly serve and love others.   

There's a peace pouring over me like a heavy balm because I know God is at work, even though there have been many times lately where my flesh begins to feel anxious.  God has been speaking to me giving me clarity and guiding me.  I feel as if I am dying to myself... {SO hard} because I can be very stubborn, wanting my own way. 

In verse 10, it says that through the fast "your light will shine out from the darkness and the darkness around you will be as bright as day.  The Lord will guide you continually, watering your life when you are dry and keeping you healthy too."  For so long, I have struggled wondering if God cares for me at all and through this time, I am realizing more how He wants me to grow and He desires good things for me.  He's not working against me, but He's longs to bless and help me grow to become to woman of God He created me to be.

What I never realized before is that His dreams for me are bigger and better than anything I could have imagined for myself!  This dying process is not easy at all.  It means He is molding me to His image.  He's taking a selfish, sinful pile of dirt and molding it into a beautiful vessel....  that's not easy. 

He is restoring everything that Satan has stolen from me.... confidence, joy, peace, my family, my future - my children, my husband, generations to come!  I see Him working and preparing me for something greater.... I've never felt this way before. {my hands are shaking just writing this} 

This very scripture and others that He has shown me are about praying {being intimate with Him}, fasting, and serving others, and through that comes healing and freedom.  Being intimate with God will change you and change your circumstances.  He works in your favor - whether you see it in that moment or not.  He is revealing to me how much freedom and joy come from serving and how fasting teaches us how to do that.  Fasting teaches us to be rid of our pride, our selfishness and to love as Christ loves.  It's really all about serving one another... and if you can't do that now as a single person, how can you do that when you're married?  Isn't that what marriage is about?  Loving and respecting someone is about serving them and to love them as Christ loves the church.  Yes... God is speaking to me a lot about marriage.  I never thought He would {not like this}.  When you have been hurt, it's just easier to close people off.  God isn't allowing me to do that anymore.  He's gently pushing my heart to move forward and walk in His promises.  I'm constantly hearing His voice and tug at my heart. 

"Be confident in the work I am doing.  Let Me lead."

He's healing me and restoring everything!  There's a sweet freedom that comes from walking in His promises.  He's constantly telling me to look forward and be confident in His promises.  God is fervently preparing me for something bigger.  It's so sweet to feel this intimate with God!  He gives me scriptures {love notes} about love and serving others.  I constantly find myself reading about words of kindness vs. words that are harsh, taking initiative and choosing to love.  Showing grace instead of criticism, being quick to forgive and slow to anger.  He's speaking to me about quality time {a lot}- to know Him deeper and spend time with Him.  One verse has constantly been on my heart in regards to love and serving others....  

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  Love does not demand its own way.  Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.  It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 

I'm a Sprout!

Some of you know that these past couple years have been rough.  {this is not a whiney blog I promise} I have been in an environment where everything I say or do is looked down on.  I've been yelled at for some of the most ridiculous things. I've been told that I'm incompetent. I've had doors slammed in my face and papers jerked out of my hand.  I've dealt with constant belittling and verbal abuse.  It's been incredibly unhealthy and my self-esteem has taken a hit. This has affected all my relationships.

However, this is a new season and things are changing! I'm so excited! I am beyond thrilled to be moving forward in life!!!  :-) 

I have learned a lot from this person. One thing I've learned is to not allow someone's words to form my identity. Just because someone labels you as something doesn't mean that is who you are.  It's hard to overcome this when their words are drilled into you almost everyday.  I honestly had started to believe what they said about me, but their words really mean nothing other than proving their ignorance. 

Romans 8 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible because it talks about our identities in Christ. My identity comes from my Heavenly Father - who loves me, sent His Son to die for me and He calls me beloved, beautiful, His royal daughter.

During youth service a few weeks ago, I was knelt down praying and I found this scripture on a note lying on the floor, as soon as I read it, I thought this is exactly what God is doing right now.

"The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word.  I send it out, and it always produces fruit.  It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

You will live in joy and peace. The mountains and hills will burst into song, and the trees of the field will clap their hands!  Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow.  Where briers grew, myrtles will sprout up.  This miracle will bring great honor to the LORD's name; it will be an everlasting sign of his power and love." - Isaiah 55:10-13

This is a reminder of the promises of God - that He is faithful and good.  His word is never lacking in power, it never returns void and there is always a purpose.  Just because we may not see something happen when we think it should, doesn't mean that God is not working.  Why would God not want good things for us?  Why would He put me in a situation of verbal abuse?  Maybe because I worry about what people say, instead of placing my whole heart in Him and holding to His truth.

"Where once there were thorns, cypress trees will grow. Where briers grew, myrtles will sprout up."

These last couple of years, I have felt as if I've literally had a thorn choking the life out of me.  Thorns keep plants from growing because they hinder them from getting the nutrients they need.  Flowers eventually become so weak, they can't bloom.  Then all you see is a dying, wimpy leaf lying on the ground, helpless, barely hanging on to its last breath.  What does the gardener do?  I've seen gardners have such a hard time with thorns, they actually have to use a bull-dozer to plow through them.  Sometimes a gardner is able to wear thick gloves and rip the thorns out by hand, but not always.  He may have to re-plant things in a new place so they can grow in a healthy enviroment.  It may take time to rebloom and it won't be easy, but the new soil will be healthy and allow the little flower to bloom.  So.... I'm a sprout!  :-) 

I'm so excited! I see new life, a new season! I see myself blooming! I feel as if I'm this tiny, little bulb breathing air for the first time in years! I see all my friends that have supported me as these beautiful mountains and hills surrounding me bursting into song, praising God for the work He's done!  The new people I am surrounded by have already shown themselves to be uplifting and encouraging, I see them as beautiful trees around me, helping me to grow.  I look up to them and I'm learning a lot already.

I prayed for God to rescue me and He did!  I feel as if He kept digging, cutting through briars and thorns, plowing His way through... fighting for me.  He found a new place to plant me where I can bloom and be restored.  The Lord has been speaking to me a lot about restoration.  Everything that the Lord restores is for His glory, for His kingdom, so that He will be known, but the restoration process is never easy.  Ohhh... the changes in my life that are about to come!  {tear. now}

David Guzik said in his commentary,
"The picture is clear; in His glorious work of restoration, God takes away the barren and the cursed, and brings forth beauty and fruit." 

"Where briers grew, myrtles will sprout up. This miracle will bring great honor to the LORD's name; it will be an everlasting sign of his power and love...." - (myrtle- Hebrew, Hedes, from which comes Hedassah, the original name of Esther. Type of the Christian Church; for it is a lowly, though beautiful, fragrant, and evergreen shrub) Psalm 92:13-14.

This scripture had me thinking if I were a plant, what would I be?  There are so many scriptures that say things like "you will be as a tree...."  or "your mother was as a vine..."  So I am thinking what might I be seen as?  I can tell you what I think or hope to be seen as.... a calla lily. 

One of my favorite flowers is the calla lily.  They're beautiful! The calla lily is one of my favorites because it's beautiful and strong, unlike a daisy or dandelion that if you hit it the wrong way, all the petals fall off. The calla lily doesn't die easily, but it is sensitive to the cold. The stem is long and thick and the roots are strong. They are so elegant and beautiful! They bloom from a bulb so a gardner can actually dig up those bulbs and plant them, so that more will bloom - just because one calla lily bloomed.  {see where I'm going with this} They are sensitive to the frost and they have to have a balance between enough sunshine but just enough shade too. Ok, ok, so maybe I'm a little high maintenance.  :o)

I looked up the symbolic meaning of a calla lily {did not know this until now}, they symbolize a rebirth and restoration. Go figure! They also symbolize "magnificent beauty" and they are used a lot at weddings because of their elegant shape and symbol of new life. I feel as if I am being replanted to bloom and hopefully my little bulbs (testimony) can be used to bless other beautiful, strong calla lilies such as my lifegroup girls at church and I can see the next generation rise up.