complacency?

 "The deepest conviction of sin is not that of the newly awakened sinner, but that of the most advanced saint, for to his cleansed eye and purged heart sin is a far more hideous and repulsive thing than it can possibly be to one who has just found out that he is guilty before God.  Hence, we may lay it down as a general law, without any exceptions, that when a man congratulates himself on his personal worthiness, he is really unworthy.  Here, he who is satisfied has never really eaten, or, in the words of the hymn, 

"whoever says I want no more, 

confesses he has none." 

Satisfaction with ourselves is a clear indication that God has no complacency in us.  

Humility and holiness go hand in hand."

The Miracles of our Saviour 

by William Mackergo  Taylor  

{i have not yet read this book but found this quote and it kind of struck me}

I read this and kind of tying into that {but kind of not}my mind goes to thinking of how we, as Christians, too often become complacent in our walk with Christ.  We forget the scripture that says "repent daily."  Maybe we feel it's a one time deal, we got our fix and we're good?  As Christian believers, I don't know how many of us often confess our sins daily.  I think those outside the church many times view Christian believers as having this attitude of "holier than thou.  We can sometimes get into this unfortunate mindset of 'I'm a Christian, not a sinner like those other people.'  {uhhhh I hate just typing that}.  It's unfortunate to have this attitude.... because we are saved by His grace, but we fall short everyday. 

When we meet someone who has just come to know Christ, their joy and passion for this new found truth is refreshing!  They know they have sinned and fall short {as we all have} and they jump at the  knowledge of Jesus Christ and the power of the cross!  But we "old" Christians walking with Christ for 10+ years, we don't always recognize this.  {This is totally just a retorical "we" speaking... just my thoughts of how often I do this too casually}.  We casually walk through our daily lives, praying for those that need it, praying when we hear someone is sick, pray when we need help, etc.  That's about it.  We don't jump anymore at the joy of salvation.  We casually call on God for our convenience and not always with a deep reverence for WHO He is. 

I confess – I often forget Who He really is.  I think He will fail me.  I think He’s not for me…. maybe He’s working against me… maybe He hates me, maybe He's just like people here where they fail and sin, they fall short of my expectations.  I forget His Word, I forget the cross, I forget WHO He is.  There was a song that I used to sing titled, "God Forbid."  The words are convicting: 

The more I know your power, Lord
The more I’m mindful
How casually we speak and sing Your name
How often we have come to You
With no fear or wonder
And called upon You only for what we stand to gain

(chorus)
God forbid, that I find You so familiar
That I think of You as less than who You are
God forbid, that I should speak of You at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God forbid

Lord, I often talk about your love and mercy
How it seems to me your goodness has no end
It frightens me to think that I could take You for granted
Though You’re closer than a brother
You’re more than just a friend

(repeat chorus)
You are Father, God Almighty
Lord of lords, your King of kings
Beyond my understanding
No less than everything

(repeat chorus)
God forbid
God forbid

Understanding the Gospel

In the middle of sitting down for a good read, I overhear conversations that can be quite interesting, sometimes funny, sometimes convicting, and sometimes heartbreaking.  A few months ago, I heard someone mention a Haiti mission trip to a friend and she brought it up because she thought the other lady was going on the trip.  This lady, very prim and proper, made-up in layers of make-up with a Scarlett O’Hara-attitude belted out in hilarious laughter at the fact that her friend thought she would EVER go out of the country to serve on a mission trip.  She was laughing and said that if she can’t fix her hair and make-up, then she won’t go.  She continued talking about putting her make-up on every day and how long it takes her to get ready, and that it if it wasn’t for a vacation where she was pampered in a nice hotel, she wasn’t going.

Honestly, overhearing this conversation made me upset… maybe that seems wrong and now someone reading this is judging me, but I just couldn’t help but look on in disappointment.  I know this person is  a Christ follower, doesn’t she know we are all called to serve?  Does she understand the gospel at all?

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve others and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45

I might hit a nerve; maybe this is blunt, but if Christ, the HOLY Son of God Almighty, came to SERVE you and I, are we better than Him that we can not humble ourselves and sacrifice something within ourselves to serve others?  Jesus came to be the suffering servant of God to save those that the rich wouldn’t go near – to love those that were seen as outcast.  HE came to serve.  Why shouldn’t we?

I can’t help but wonder if these things in this particular lady’s life are more of a hindrance than anything else? If these things are her “treasures” – as Jesus tells us “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  What will it take to break her vanity and humble her to serve in the true meaning of the gospel? - which honestly has no concern for what people look like. 

Serving in America is one thing and it can humble you, and there is so much work that can be done in our own hometowns! However, when we step unto foreign soil and work with the people who appear to have so little, it will break your heart and change your life if you allow it to. Things like hair, make-up, brand-name clothes and warm showers - things you once thought important become the least of your concern. The people are so wonderfully joyful and giving, they're so loving!  The people i have met have been such a blessing in my life, truly a ray of sunshine in my life, and I admire them. So many times I felt like they were serving me more than I was serving them... it was humbling. 

Yes, I know, this lady may tell herself that she serves in other ways, but after listening to her, I have a hard time believing it is any sort of sacrifice. She spoke as if it were outrageous and horrible for her to not take a shower or do her hair.  Outrageous.... really? 

How about someone who has a parasite living inside them because they take baths in the river because they don't have a shower? I would consider that slightly more horrible, outrageous and life-threatening.

Going overseas outside of my comfort-zone was eye-opening. It stirred something up in me about servant others. {For even the Son of God came to serve...} We ran a small medical clinic for people to receive free medical care that they very much needed and the entire time we were there, there were volunteers from the community caring for our team. The volunteers cared and loved on us. They served us in so many ways.. but my mindset was to go to serve them. It was so sweet and they reflected the heart of Christ more than most. 

We are so spoiled in America.  Believe me when I say I understand suffering and hardship, but I also know that my life could be very different outside of this home. I am thankful.

It just frustrates me to hear spoiled, grown Christian women, talk about how they "simply can't live without a shower and hairdryer."  I don't mean to sound judgmental, so I apologize. And maybe there are things for me to learn about this and see it differently. It is simply hard for me to understand how someone who I know is a Christ follower has such a narrow understanding of the gospel and what it means to serve as Christ served.

Dominican Republic = less of me

I love the Dominican Republic and I want to go back! We got back last Sunday, Valentines Day and I took Monday off. My stomach was upset and I literally slept all day. Mr. Bathroom became my best friend. I had no appetite, but eventually ate oatmeal. I didn't want anything at first, then I found myself craving fresh pineapple. They have delicious fresh fruit. Mmmmmm. :o) I’m still having trouble drinking sweet tea again. SO weird! I mean, I’m a southerner! Hello! This should not be a problem. They have this tea in the DR, Ahh-Mazing! Kind of like an apple-cinnamon tea, very strong and oh so good. And the hot chocolate... oh how I love thee! It is nothing like American hot chocolate. Silly Americans - we have water with some powder - what were we thinkin'?

I am still processing everything from being in the Dominican but I have to say, it has changed my heart.  I am much more aware of what it really means to die to myself.  I want to give more, love more and pray more that people know God and love Him. This trip was an amazing experience - kind of like having spiritual open heart surgery... that you are awake for... with a lot of people you barely know watching.  It made me examine my heart, dig a little deeper and really {want} to change. I want to know what it means to be Christ to those around me and die to my selfish ways. It's not an overnight change, but a daily battle I am more aware of.

Before the trip, I was reading Proverbs 31 and I taped it up in my bathroom, just because. I've read this scripture a million times. I didn't give it too much thought. Now I see that God laid that on my heart to redesign my heart. He has been pursuing me and molding me to become the woman He wants me to be. The Proverbs 31 woman is hard-working, never lazy, she’s wise and seeks God above all things. She is prayerful, faithful, energetic and strong, a woman of integrity and grace. I want to be this woman… what God desires me to be. And that means dying to myself.

God was calling me to fast before the trip - for the team and for the Dominicans.  I feel like there was more to the fasting than what I realized at that time.  He kept speaking to me, "It's not about you, it's about ME."  I was thinking, this is about being dependent on Him because this will be a hard trip. Well... that was only part of it.  I think my heart needed one of those shocks that you get when on the operating table... kind of how I felt. (Not that thats ever happened but I'm just saying).  Learning to die to myself and be rid of my selfishness is the biggest thing I've taken away from this trip.  Recognizing that I shouldn't complain but be grateful, learning to give freely to others, to love others {unselfishly} and count it all joy! I’m {learning} to rest and take joy in knowing I am loved and cherished by GOD!  Joy in knowing that He cares for me, so there's no need to complain or be discouraged but to count it all joy.  My struggles won't go away, in fact when I came back from the trip they almost seem worse, but my reaction to it can change.

I'm thankful for God's provision in my life.  I'm thankful to have a hot shower and a bed! I {heart} my bed. And my pillow... not just any pillow. I have a fancy-smansy memory foam pillow that helps me sleep... oh I missed that little guy! I’m blessed to take showers without fear of getting sick from parasites, yet burdened to pray for the people that get sick from that water every day. I pray for their health and protection, for their families and children. I'm grateful to sleep comfortably with a roof over my head, with no fear of sleeping with a mouse or a roach. {totally serious here} I am grateful to not be sleeping on an air mattress that hurts my back and wake up at 2am with a roach on me. I don't like any bug really, but the worst of them all is a rrrroach. {I even hate the word} I wanted to scream but I knew I'd wake everyone up, so I tried to remain calm.  At 2:00am.  After it crawled on my leg.  In my sheets.  Ewwww. That little guy wanted to sleep with me and I was like... No sir! You better back off! Take your six little legs and scurry out of my sheets!  The thing is, people live in far worse conditions... a lot worse than just worrying if a stupid roach is on you or not. I really am blessed! There are so many things we take forgranted everyday... heat and A/C, electricity, a bed, a shower, clean water, medicine! And did you know that gas in DR is $22 a gallon? Yeah. No kidding.

When people ask me how was my trip... I don't quite know what to say. It was really good, but it was also very convicting, which is hard.  Learning to die to myself, to get past my selfishness, to be continually mindful and prayful, to love others and show them the love of Christ... that's a lot to take in.  I didn't really feel like myself. Everyday I was adjusting to new surroundings, the culture {which I love} and my teammates.  I constantly felt awkward and out of place, although I know I was right where God wanted me. Unfortunately in the moments of my weakness, my struggles came forth and I hate it when my flesh gets in the way.  Arrrg.  Dealing with my own feelings of inadequacy.  We lived in a constant state of be ready for anything, adapt quickly and be {continually} prayerful. Taking all this home really changes you.  I was with this amazing team {the dangerous team} that I barely knew before the trip and most of them all knew each other fairly well... except for me. I love my team very much, but there was this constant battle in my spirit of feeling like the odd-ball, but I know that I was right where God wanted me {for such a time as this}. There was a peace about the trip, knowing God was orchestrating everything as it should be. As the week went on, I got more comfortable with everyone.  It was a joy to be around them and it was a lot of fun. Our daily devotionals were great. I loved the words of wisdom and hearing the personal stories.

Lots of great stories - getting a GAzillion bars of soap to give away at the clinic, having devotionals with a hen that was nesting beside me in a flower pot, the goat that chased me, when I got electrocuted in the van, and the best one yet - when I rode the mo-ped to the dental clinic. That's right! Yahoo! And let's not forget the party in the bathroom with our team leader jumping up and down while we're all crammed in there brushing our teeth. That makes me happy. I was with a lot of morning people... you know the kind I'm talking about. :-)

One of my favorite memories is the look on the kids faces when we gave them a jump rope. A jump rope. They were ecstatic! I remember giving the kids stickers and twirling tops, they were so happy! I will always remember that. I absolutely LOVED the Dominicans. I loved talking with them and playing with the kids.  Taking blood pressure was my favorite because I got to greet them and talk with them. I loved seeing them smile. I just {LOVED} to see them smile, especially the kids.  I got to do a little bit of everything - blood pressure, pharmacy and dental. I liked the pharmacy because of the fast pace and I felt like I was helpful (for the most part).  I think I just really liked being around more people and working so closely with my teammates.  I really liked the dental clinic only because it was held in a school and I got to hang out with the kids!  Yay! 

I love my new Dominican doctor friends!  I loved playing UNO with them!  I really got attached to Rosemary, Julia and Ajakhah. They were so much fun to hang out with.  I especially miss Rosemary... there was a special bond with her and I would {love} to keep in touch somehow.  I miss Pastor Mario, Hairal, and Washington! The staff at the house was so good to us, they were precious!  I miss their sweetness, I just want to go hug them one more time.  I miss my Dominican friends, can't wait to go back.