Today I was driving to my mom's house and I was reminded of a sweet word spoken to me years ago. I was driving home from work and I was crying. The story is that I liked this guy and he liked someone else. She was incredibly talented and beautiful, and just the fact that he didn't like me made me feel that I was not those things. I felt rejected. My prayer wasn't really any words but more of a groaning really. {quite pathetic I know} I do remember praying that God would bless me with a husband and that if this guy was not what was best for me, that He would bring someone else. Then in a moment, my whole perspective changed. I heard this sweet whisper. It was one of those moments where you know it's not you, you just know that it's God...
"He will chase you as I have chased you and love you as I have loved you."
I immediately felt at peace. It gave me joy knowing that He cared about this heartbreak. To know that God wasn't ignoring my pain, but was compassionate and spoke encouragement to me. Weeks later, I began to doubt and wondered if that was really God speaking... did it even line up with the Word? I found that in Ephesians 5, Paul talks about how we, as believers, should live our lives in wisdom and love for others. He goes on to talk about the unity of husband and wife and how the marriage covenant should honor God.
"And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his body."
It still amazes me that God cares about this part of my life. That may sound silly to some, but for so long I felt like this part of my life was oblivious to Him. I love knowing that God desires for me to pursued and loved by my husband. He longs for me to be protected and cherished... as He already protects, cherishes and loves me as His bride. I love how He wants me to love and respect my husband, to pray and care for him. This gives me joy in knowing He will bless my marriage!
As a young girl, I never wanted to get married. Are you shocked? Most people are when I tell them that. I just never thought any good could come of getting married because of my parents. As a young teenager, I came to know a wonderful youth pastor and his wife that showed me how a godly marriage should be. They argued occasionally {in a healthy way of course} but more than anything I saw their love for one another. They were affectionate and loving, they spoke with kindness and respect. {something I never saw at home} I am SO thankful for them! They made me believe that marriage can be a good thing. I still struggled with this fear through my early twenties, but I began to see more and more marriages come together that honored God. As I've grown in my faith, God's promises to me are more real everyday. Unfortunately I am fought in this area more than any other part of my life. Satan attacks me so much and I become discouraged... I believe He attacks more because he is aware of the blessing that is to come in my life. I believe God has bigger plans for me than what I plan for myself! I believe He is a loving Heavenly Father who only longs to give me good things. {THAT} has taken me years to believe! I believe part of his plan is to bless me with a husband, a family and a home that glorifies Him! As a close friend once said.... "You were created for Him." It really is all about Him, His timing, His plan.... so that He is glorified. It's not about me.
In regards to the guy that I liked back in the day.... thank you Jesus that I never dated him! hahaha! And because this is my blog and I am not naming any names I can say he was {at least back then} quite a coward, a gossip, and more of a follower than a leader. I guess God knew what he was doing after all because I would have a hard time respecting a man like that.
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