God's promises

"You're afraid that everything that was in your past will come out in your future.  God says no, that He will bless you and restore everything. Your past will be your past.  Do not be afraid.  He will bless you.... I see little girls all around you.  They need to hear your testimony.  You will be a mentor and a teacher to them.  They need to hear what you have to say.  People will tell you it's too hard, that you can't do it but God has called you to it.  You already know this.  I'm just confirming it."

These words were spoken to me by my pastor years ago while I was in a discipleship program in college.  He had no idea what I'd been praying about.  It was amazing to listen as God confirmed everything He had been speaking to my heart. 

Since then, I have been involved with teaching and mentoring middle school girls.  I want to do more but not sure where God will lead me with that.  I am involved at my church helping lead a Lifegroup of about 12 girls.  They are amazing young women, and I love them dearly.  They are awesome! 

You might be asking... what about your past coming out in your future?  What did that mean?  I did not exactly grow up in a Christian home, it was an abusive home.  I lived in that environment for 13 years.  My dad is now involved in church and acts a lot different than the man I remember growing up.  I still struggle with a lot of fear and worry... but it's not the same fear.  It's not fear that I might marry someone who will do the same thing to me, but it's different.

Now I struggle with fear of rejection.  Fear of being myself and not being loved for who I am.  Fear of falling for someone who doesn't love me.  Fear of not being good enough, fear of making a mistake and ruining everything.  I hate fear.  It eats away at my heart causing me to miss out on God's blessings.  I HATE IT!  I just scream thinking about it.   

I guess I'm posting this to remind myself of that promise above.  The promise that God will bless my future and He has a plan.  I'm posting this to remind myself that God is good, His ways are perfect and He loves me.  I'm posting this asking for prayer for strength to overcome these fears.  Sometimes... you just need someone else to pray.