reaching my goals

This past weekend I had a big accomplishment for myself.... I ran my first 1/2 marathon!  I will say that my training for it took a backseat a few weeks prior and I was worried I would not do as well as I hoped.  Two years ago I was running 7 miles twice a week, at a 10:30something mile pace.... while I like that, I have not be able to train as hard this time and wasn't sure what I was going to do. 

In my training lately, I haven't even had a watch to clock myself and the website runkeeper has been giving me a hard time so I haven't even kept up with the mileage each time.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  So I had no clue what I was doing in my training. 

I asked so many people for prayer and told them I literally could not do it without God helping me.... and I never wanted this to sound cliche' but I constantly said "the Lord is my Strength."  Literally I know that HE gives me every breath, He gives me strength, and He is glorified in what I do when I acknowledge Him.  I prayed almost the entire time I was running. 

I may have fallen behind in training but I had already paid a lot of money, I had never been to Savannah before, and I was just too excited about the race that I couldn't not do it.  So... I ran.  Hard.  And my time was 2:18:23.  I kept a 10:34 pace almost the entire time.  I honestly praise God for this.  It just makes me realize that He truly is wonderful, strong and faithful - even when we are not.  And if I can recognize Him in things I do, like running, He gets glory from that. 

Now... I only ask of those reading this to please pray that my recovery would be better.  Right now, asthma has been acting up a lot more and it hurts my chest.  Please pray for a smoother recovery.  Thank you friends!

I'm all His. 

heartbroken

Dear friends,
Please pray for me as my heart is completely shattered after losing someone so dear to me.  Thank you.

~Autumn

calling

I can honestly say for the first time in my life that I love my job.  It is ministry and it's wonderful, i work with amazing, talented people and i feel incredibly blessed to be there.  I literally got everything I prayed for.  


What most people don't know is a deeper longing that God has placed uniquely on my heart, and burdened me to the point of hurting.  My love is children and youth - to see them learning about God, to see families come together and watch them grow.  It makes me smile!  I love watching moms and dads teach the classes and to watch the children grasp the lessons.  I love the children and the youth that I work with - to see them becoming disciples and growing in their faith.  It's an extra bonus when I see the older children guiding the younger.  Eeeeeeeee!  :o)


In the middle of this love for them.... my heart breaks for orphans.  I have a burden for orphans that makes me weep.  I want to help, to provide for them, to take care of them somehow, and to help them know Christ and be disciples, for them to know they are loved!  I want them to know they are loved!  They are not abandoned, God cherishes them and loves them more than anything!  It breaks my heart to know they have no mom and dad because of war, disease, and starvation.  I hate it.... it is heartbreaking to hear their stories of watching their mom raped and killed by soldiers.  I just can't... it breaks my heart.


My heart is anxious to see what God has planned.  I don't know the "how"or the "where" and as I feel this constant need to be in control.... it bothers me immensely.  I don't feel called to be a full-time missionary, I love working here and I feel like the work I do here will be taken outside the church... hopefully across the world.  I just don't know where.  I already feel Uganda calling me and feel like I will be there within the next few years. Maybe Kenya too?  Dominican again?  Brazil?  Local children's homes in NC?


I'm trying to let go, to trust that God has a plan and he is at work even now.  At my job, I write/edit curriculum for Sunday school, plan VBS along-side some amazing volunteers, I act like a fool on stage during a family worship time for the kids to learn a Bible lesson, I organize presentations, meetings and newsletters and I am constantly editing!  And i love it all.  It will all be worth it when it's taken across the world one day.


I am anxious to see how all this will pan out.  I also worry about other random things.... these desires I have to get married and start my own family.  What happens to that?  Should I forget it?  How can I when it's so deep?  What happens to these desires?  Part of God's plan or only mine?  How does all that fit together?


I am human.  I am a woman.  I am 31 years old.  I am broken.  I am willing.


So... I just have to wait.  

feel like a kid again....

Lately, I find myself doing random things that make me feel like a kid again and i thought i would share....

• speaking whale
• speaking squirrel
• running through sprinkles {on morning runs}
• mooning my roommate
• blowing bubbles in drinks
• squirting water guns at random people
• happy dance
• coloring pictures
• talking in funny accents at random times (in drive-thrus it's awesome)
• helping friends make Pac-Man shaped waffles
• making a smiley with ketchup on my burger
• playing board games
• getting excited about G-rated movies
• fish face
• oinking in someone's ear
• making extra car sounds as i drive
• getting super excited over little things - like a coupon and finding my phone charger that was MIA for 4 months!
• watching cartoons
• my new love for whales!  they're so beautiful and amazing!

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...

I truly enjoy reading other blogs and there are some marvelous ideas floating around out there that are just waiting to be copied onto my page. I copied this one from here and made it my own… of course her blog is always more entertaining…. but heck I try. Happy blogging!



I can’t…

Have lactose without getting a belly ache, stay up past midnight without getting cranky, see without contacts or glasses, play tennis or sand volleyball, say "oil, boil, monster, naked, or self-conscience" correctly, listen to Paula Dean talk,  flirt, sing about God and feel sad at the same time.


But I can…
hit a softball, run long distances, cook, drive anything, sing along to most Disney movies,  sound like a real monkey and a llama,  do the Roger Rabbit,  do great research,  let my facial expressions and body language speak for me (and get me in trouble),  speak whale,  learn squirrel,  walk out of the mall without buying anything! It’s like my superpower!!!

I won’t…
talk to your pet bird, eat at Taco Bell, tell you I like your new haircut or outfit if I don’t {it's for your own good}, pay more than $25 for a shirt, eat lima beans,  do the electric slide, waste money on magazines, drink anything with Splenda,  strongly pursue a man - i cherish chivalry and pray for it in my husband.

But I will…
love you, support you, encourage you and never belittle you, clap my hands and jump up and down when I get excited, always love hugs and kisses {for the most part},  laugh at myself, make silly faces when taking pictures just because I think it’s more interesting, laugh loudly and snort at the most inappropriate times, do the cabbage patch just to embarrass you,  try my best to act like a lady, make fun of Shakira, always sing in the car {especially when no one is around}, love and pray for each of the children and families I meet. 

I shouldn’t….
consume enough white chocolate that would feed a small village,  give my opinion as often as I do {at least I have one}, stay up late, hold grudges, get frustrated with things that I can’t control,  get upset when I get lost… it’s not like it helps me find my way,  let negative people influence me,  dwell on the past,  be so stubborn.


I should…
make a video of me dancing to find out if they’re laughing with me or at me, save up money for New Zealand,  tell my mom how I really feel, be on time for everything… I’ve gotten much better but still I should be on time no matter what, learn to dance in the rain,  travel more,  hold fast to the calling God has on me to work with orphans somehow,  and of course.... I should learn to smile more,  laugh more and love more.

Mamaw's Flirting 101

This is a post from my old blog which is giving me a hard time recently so I'm just transferring the little things I like over to this one!  Hope you enjoy! This one cracks me up....

I was on the phone yesterday with my Mamaw and she decided to give me flirting tips so i can get married and pop out some grandbabies for her. I couldn’t help but laugh as she proceeded to tell me "how to get a man."  I'm thinkin' she should write a book!  She even demonstrated how the conversation should go! I made sure to take mental notes of the convo through my laughter. I couldn't really write much at the time as I was having trouble breathing.  :o)


1. “You have to get out there and sell yourself. Have you ever heard of that honey?”  No, she wasn’t recommending prostitution. She was basically saying that I should not go out without my makeup on and that I need to always look presentable in order “to get a guy.” She told me that I need to always look nice to get the right attention. Dude! That means no more Aeropostale sweat pants!?  What the french toast?!

2. “You can ask him what he’s been up to and when he says… blah blah…. then you say well, I do that too… why don’t we do that together?”  lol!  My Mamaw was actually giving me vocabulary to use for the conversation that I should be having with my future husband.

3. “You can’t be shy honey, just go talk to the guys, get out there and mingle. I know you’re shy when it comes to boys, you always have been.” Ok... so apparently she knows me better than I thought. Great. I am shy when it comes to guys, especially if I really like them, then it’s worse. I usually clam up and say the wrong thing. Ok… so she has a point.

4. “Are you getting out more and being sociable and getting to know new people?” To this, I honestly answered yes! I am sociable. I get out a lot and do things with friends and meet new people. I still struggle with being a little shy. Oh well.

5. “Do you talk to any of the guys you know? How often are you around them?”  Nope don't talk to them at all, Mamaw.  I just stalk them like prey!  {kidding}  I’m around them enough. I truly believe in chivalry and that a man should do the pursuing. If a guy is interested, he just needs to say something.  My Mamaw apparently thinks this slows down the process.

6. “I know you’re not in a hurry, you don’t want just anybody and that’s good. You’ll pick a good one and he’ll be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks Mamaw.”

the world can't satisfy

Maybe my expectations are far too high for people?  I just have a hard time believing that it's ok for people to say they will do something and not show up... without a call or an email.  I have a hard time understanding why it takes someone three months to respond to an email.  Or for some lately, they didn't respond at all and it was over something very important.  {yes, I'm being vague for a reason}. 
It's hard for me to be ok with this inconsiderate attitude... not like i've never been rude or inconsiderate, I mean, I know that I'm learning too and need to be held accountable.  I try to be considerate and I would hate it if I offended someone.  I'm just venting because of recent situations.  


I feel disappointed and this has been repetitive with different people, different groups of people and situations.  And I hate that feeling.  I don't want to feel this way.  I want to be more understanding, but I'm struggling because I don't know what there is to understand.  

Was there a reason for their absence?  If so, please tell me.  It's probably perfectly logical and everything is fine, but when there's no reason given, no response, no call, nada, and i got nothin'.... it's frustrating.  Was everything just talk and people don't mean what they say?!  So I can't take them at their word anymore?  {then what's the point in having a conversation with them at all}  Sorry, is that too blunt?  

There's a new song out called Blessings, by Laura Story and when I first heard it, I must say it was only for a second and I flipped the station to something else... which also had nothing I wanted to hear, so I came back to this song playing.  I was in the mood for something with more kick to it and this song playing on the radio was so "dainty" I wasn't wanting to listen.  I finally left the station alone and let the song play, I'm glad I did because the words are really powerful and it made me think.  The last line of the song struck a chord with me. {pun intended}


"What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?  What if trials of this life - the rain, the storms, the hardest nights - are your mercies in disguise?"  


I may not agree with what people have been doing lately, but deep down I know there's not a person on this earth who will ever meet all my expectations and never fail me.  Only One can truly satisfy.  He is the One who always comes when I call, He always answers, He's always there, always listens, always meets my needs.  

For those that didn't follow through... for those that didn't show up.... those that were supposed to email about important things and never did... and for those whom I had hoped to become closer friends with just didn't happen... what if they are not meant to be what I had hoped?  What if this is God's mercies over me?  This is His simple way of protecting me.... thank you Lord for your mercies in disguise.

{trying to be thankful}