i choose... {what do you choose?}

faith over despair
basketball over Nascar
baseball over Nascar {so many things are better than Nascar}
lipgloss over lipstick
too little over too much {yes, i know this doesn't always make sense}
books over TV
CNN over Fox
string instruments over wind instruments
Van Gogh over Monet (most of the time)
desktop over laptop
Michael Vartan (nerdy hotness) over Matthew McConaughey (arrogant hotness)
swimming over white water rafting {depending on who I'm with}
laying out at the pool over laying out at the beach {although i do love the beach}
running over walking
Christmas over Thanksgiving
acts of service over receiving gifts
sense of humor over sense of style
sweet potato fries over regular fries
honey mustard over ranch
dogs over cats
sweats over jeans {depending on if i leave the house}
lattes over coffee
Elf over The Grinch
comedy over drama
bookstores over the mall
Suduko over Crosswords
getting up early over sleeping late
autumn over winter {surprise!} :o)
Rice Dream over milk
alibris over amazon
education over ignorance
Water over soda
flip flops over stilettos
knee-high boots over stilettos
Japanese food over Chinese food
The Cosby Show over Full House {of that's tough one}
Fresh Prince over Saved by the Bell
cookies over cake
anyone that CAN sing over Shakira who can't
Pro-life over Pro-choice
star gazing over Star! reading
pedicures over maincures
too cold over too hot
essay writing over test taking
new Covenant over old law
love over riches

Mamaw Bea

Let each generation tell its children of Your mighty acts. ~ Psalm 145:4 


Thank you Mamaw Bea.  She is a woman of God, full of beauty and strength.  Where would we be if it weren't for her prayers? She just celebrated her 81st birthday!  Booyah!  Go Mamaw! 

grace upon grace...

I did not understand the emphasis of grace that had been on my heart until recently. 

I was recently faced with a very hard situation.  Someone had brought something to my attention, months had passed and it was becoming harder for me to let it go.  Scripture tells us that sin destroys lives and it's true.  The thing is.... sin disguises itself, it's deceiving and it starts off small and builds until it traps you in and you don't know how you got to that place in your life.  Sin hurts us, but most importantly it hurts the heart of God.  I hate dealing with confrontation, but what would have happened had it never been brought up again?  Things would continue... continue to damage lives, to hurt people, and to affect their relationship with God.  Of course, I am hated by some.  To some... I am the one who is "pointing fingers and not admiting my own sin."  Truth is...

I know whose I am.  For the first time in my life, I know this and I'm walking in that truth.     

I am a warrior.  I will stand for the truth and fight for souls in the kingdom of God. 

I am a sinner... I am the definition of imperfect.  I am made from dirt... and without the very breathe of the living God that is in me, I am nothing. 

I am not faithful... but God is.  He is faithful when we're not.  His strength is perfect in my weakness.

I am a daughter.  I am, amazingly enough, a child of God.  Why He hasn't kicked me out of his family is beyond me.

I am loved.  He loves us when we are unloveable.  He sees every flaw, every mistake, every epic fail in our lives, yet still loves us.  That is grace, upon grace, upon grace....

I am in need of grace... and should show grace to others just as Christ has shown grace to me.

"Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple.  A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them.  As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. 

The law of Moses says to stone her.  What do you say?" 

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.  They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, "All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone."  Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. 

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman.  Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, "where are your accusers?  Didn't even one of them condemn you?" 

"No, Lord," she said. 

And Jesus said, "Neither do I.  Go and sin no more." 

John 8: 1-11

This is Our God {Chris Tomlin}

A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm
This is our God
He will wipe away your tears
and return your wasted years
This is our God
So call upon His Name
He is mighty to save
This is our God


A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken
This is our God
And he brings peace to our madness
and comfort in our sadness
This is our God
So call upon His Name
He is mighty to save
This is our God

This is the one we have waited for
Jesus Lord and Savior
This is our God
A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful
This is our God

This song has continuously been on my mind.  I love little reminders that surprise me, reminding me of God's character.  This year has started off a little rough, but it is now April and I'm watching him put all the pieces together with grace and compassion.  One of my favorite lines in this song is "he will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years."  I feel as if my years of "living a Christian life" have not been lived to the fullest, but in fact, sometimes I feel they are wasted years.  I feel like a hypocrite, someone who has been teaching and talking about God, but in my own life, my walk has been inconsistent.  Despite my faithlessness, God is faithful.   This is our God. 

God is teaching me what it means to depend on him and walk with him, for apart from him.... I am nothing.  I may feel as if the years are wasted, but God was preparing me the whole time.  I wasn't always listening... so it's just taken me a little longer.  I have believed the insults, the presumptions about me... if I felt a certain way, then I believed that was who I was.  I believed that I would always be the fearful little girl from my childhood, walking in intimidation, afraid to say how I felt because of constant feeling that my opinion wasn't valid.  God is my healer and restorer of all things, I have literally watched him turn my life {and others} upside down all for his glory and our good.  This is our God. 

God is teaching me about all that He is, that HE lives within me and makes me who I am.  I may be full of flaws but I know the God who lives within me and uses me still.  There is a quiet strength that I can rest in when I believe and trust that God is who He says He is.  He is my comfort in this sadness and peace in this madness.  This is our God. 

He is all I need and I am learning to recognize that in my life.  Every breath, every step, every word spoken from my mouth.... I desperately need to come from him. 

Notes from the Dominican....

Hello all.  I couldn't figure out what to write, so as you can see I have neglected my blog for a while now.  I came back from the Dominican Republic on February 20.  This was my second medical missions trip and I {loved} it!

I am extremely torn with emotion right now.  My heart breaks for the people, yet I admire them.  They are the most joyful people!  I admire their faith and their love for each other and for God.  They are happy with the simple things, because unlike us {in America}, they haven't been spoiled with the abundant life.  You may say "I don't have an abundant, glamorous lifesteyle."  Do you have running water for a hot shower every day?  Can you drink that water without getting sick from parasites?  Do you have air conditioning and heat when you need it?  Do you have food on your table daily?  If you're ever out of sugar cane or plantains, just take a trip to the DR... they have plenty.

One incident in particular that sticks out to me was with a lady I met doing blood pressure.  She was so joyful and spunky!  She had extremely high blood pressure and had to be walked over to the doctors to make sure she was ok.  Do you know she had been waiting for hours to be seen at the clinic?  Hours.  Not 15 -20 minutes.  Hours.  In America, we get upset when they don't have our order out immediately at the drive-thru.  I know when my doctor had me waiting for an hour, I was pretty peeved about it.   This did not faze her.  She was just the sweetest old lady ever!

I had another lady ask me for diapers.  That was all she wanted.  She wanted diapers for her little boy who was walking around with none {i don't think there was anything under there} but his little jersey was so big on on him, I couldn't tell.  He had a gash on his eye that looked like it was getting infected and he was carrying around medicine, so I knew they had already been seen.  I went in to give her diapers and when I handed them to her, she was smiling so big!  I hugged her and said Jesus te amo.  {Jesus love you}. They were precious {even if he wouldn't let me take a picture of him}.

I worked in the dental clinic some too.  The crowds swarmed at the gate!  It was a mad-house for a couple days.  They got as much toothpaste and toothbrushes as we could give.  {thank you to all who donated}  I tried to walk around the waiting area outside and talk with the little ones, I checked to see who I could send in to get their teeth cleaned.  Of course they were scared but I think I got a few of them.  My friend JP talked to a couple of them for me. {the man is awesome - he speaks 8 languages}  Seriously!

How has this experience impacted me?  {that is a loaded question}  I feel I'm still processing everything.  I will say that my heart is burdened more and more for that country.  I love the people very much and cherish those friendships {I do mean friendships - not just meet them and never see them again}.  I know the whole time I was there, I literally felt like I had to walk with God with every step.  I would become tired and worn out, plus my heart had it's own struggles... I had to continually pray for peace and that God would be with me.  This is not easy for someone as stubborn as I am.  My flesh gets the best of me many times.   This is a season of learning who God is and how he desires to have a relationship with me, to listen to him closer than ever before.  I have been disobedient SO much these past couple of years, I can see that now, but there's nothing I can do to change it.  I live with that regret.  In the Dominican, I was able to see God daily guide my heart and give me peace, as I continually listen for Him... learning what it means to be completely dependent on him.  There are things I cannot control, things will happen that I cannot make work or make it better.... but my hope is in the One who can, the One that I rely on for my every need.  

just a little light reading...

"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such a violent reaction against it?... Of course I could have given up my idea of justice by saying it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if i did that, then my argument against God collapsed too--for the argument depended on saying the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my fancies. Thus, in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist - in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless - I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality - namely my idea of justice - was full of sense. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never have known it was dark. Dark would be without meaning."  - C.S. Lewis

one day...

Wait for the man who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical.  
Wait for the man who will be your best friend, the person who will drop everything to be with you.  
Wait for the man who makes you smile like no other boy makes you smile.  
Wait for the man who praises God for you, and encourages you daily in your walk, and most importantly, 
wait for the man who is more in love with God than you.

{i'm a little iffy on the whole "drop everything to be with me part but the rest is true}

Psalm 146: 5 -6 

but happy are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, 
whose hope is in the LORD their God.  

He is the one who made heaven and earth, 

the sea and everything in them.  

He is the one who keeps every promise forever.