Excuse me while I soar

Fear - it's a dirty 4-letter word.  Why should I fear at all?  Where did I get it from?  I believe Satan sees these struggles within us and once he knows how to attack, his goal is to destroy us.  Our fears, if we allow them to, can make us stagnant in our walk with God.  Our fears trap us and keep us from going forward.  Fear affects our witness and the work that we do for the kingdom.  No wonder Satan feeds off of this! 

These past few years, my biggest struggle has been the big question... who am I?  I have worried way too much about what people think.  Fear of rejection, fear of condemnation, fear of getting hurt.  Too afraid to be myself and say what I feel.  I struggle with not having enough courage and I foolishly put my identity in who people say I am.

{short version of a long story that eventually healed over} A few years ago, there was a young woman that came into my life.  She was a new Christian, struggling with her own insecurities.  I don't think I've ever had anyone be so spiteful in my entire life.  I was around her at least every other week for two years.  I allowed her to belittle me.   It was as if she was stabbing me with a dagger with each word and I never stood up for myself, so I might as well been handing her the darn thing!  One summer we had an all girls vacation and I was upset at something she said.  We came back to the hotel to get ready for our girls night out.  I got in the shower and began to cry.  I could barely catch my breath.  I felt completely rejected and really... unloved.  Then the Lord spoke to me so clearly, I'll never forget it.  He said, 

"My royal daughter, walk with your head raised." 

Notice He didn't say, 'you fearful, little girl.'  Not 'you silly little girl.'  He said, "My royal daughter."  As if He were reminding me of who I am in Him. 

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."  - 1 Peter 2:9

Satan has used people to attack my confidence - non-believers and Christians just the same.  Everyone is facing their own battle.  When Christians let their guard down, they began to walk in the flesh and not the spirit.  Unfortunately I fail miserably everyday.  We don't mean to hurt others but we do.  As far as I can tell, my primary love language is words of affirmation and the other might be acts of service.  When there's someone telling me I'm inadequate, incompetent or not good enough, it cuts really deep.  Positive words can encourage me in a moment and give me confidence.  Positive or negative, I absorb it like a sponge.  I've allowed their opinions to attack my identity and hinder my walk with God.  Negativity eats away at me until my walk becomes a limp and I'm paralyzed with fear.  Fear to not be myself.  Fear that I will always say or do the wrong thing.  I've allowed it to steal my joy. 

Now... I am choosing to ignore those words, rise above their ignorance, and trying to pray for those that hurt me.  {Even if my flesh wants to knock them upside the head}.  I am choosing to soar above them.  My confidence should never be placed in the hands of anyone other than my Lord.  My confidence is in Him alone, for He is my hope and salvation.  My rock and my fortress!  {Psalm 62}

"So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into his family – calling him "Father, dear Father." - Romans 8:15 NLT

{I freakin' love this scripture!}

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There will always be people in my life that try to tear me down.  This is a daily battle I face at work everyday.  Fear of not being good enough.  Fear of making a mistake - like typing notes using round bullet points when she wanted square.  It sets her off telling me I'm incompetent and she should have done the job herself.  You think I'm kidding?  I seriously need a tape-recorder.  I walk on eggshells everyday.  It's not healthy for me.  Why has God put me there, you ask?   Oh the lesson I have learned!  It's all about my identity and knowing who I am in Him!  A lesson of confidence in being a child of God.  Wow, the revelation of it all!  THAT my dear friends is what God is doing in my life right now.  Ultimately this is my choice.  There will always be people like that, but I can choose to not let their words define me.  I could continue to let it form my identity, but that would mean that I am foolish enough to believe their lies and ignorance.  I can choose to not forgive and be bitter, but where would that get me? 

I'm learning to rise above.  Ohhh the FREEDOM!!!  I feel like a bird that has just left the nest for the first time!  I might fall hard but I'd miss the adventure of learning to fly. 

I am a woman of God, a beautiful, cherished daughter of a King, wholeheartedly loved by my Heavenly Father!  Fear has no place in that love.... so I choose to soar! 

{makes me heart melt a little}