Notes from the Dominican....

Hello all.  I couldn't figure out what to write, so as you can see I have neglected my blog for a while now.  I came back from the Dominican Republic on February 20.  This was my second medical missions trip and I {loved} it!

I am extremely torn with emotion right now.  My heart breaks for the people, yet I admire them.  They are the most joyful people!  I admire their faith and their love for each other and for God.  They are happy with the simple things, because unlike us {in America}, they haven't been spoiled with the abundant life.  You may say "I don't have an abundant, glamorous lifesteyle."  Do you have running water for a hot shower every day?  Can you drink that water without getting sick from parasites?  Do you have air conditioning and heat when you need it?  Do you have food on your table daily?  If you're ever out of sugar cane or plantains, just take a trip to the DR... they have plenty.

One incident in particular that sticks out to me was with a lady I met doing blood pressure.  She was so joyful and spunky!  She had extremely high blood pressure and had to be walked over to the doctors to make sure she was ok.  Do you know she had been waiting for hours to be seen at the clinic?  Hours.  Not 15 -20 minutes.  Hours.  In America, we get upset when they don't have our order out immediately at the drive-thru.  I know when my doctor had me waiting for an hour, I was pretty peeved about it.   This did not faze her.  She was just the sweetest old lady ever!

I had another lady ask me for diapers.  That was all she wanted.  She wanted diapers for her little boy who was walking around with none {i don't think there was anything under there} but his little jersey was so big on on him, I couldn't tell.  He had a gash on his eye that looked like it was getting infected and he was carrying around medicine, so I knew they had already been seen.  I went in to give her diapers and when I handed them to her, she was smiling so big!  I hugged her and said Jesus te amo.  {Jesus love you}. They were precious {even if he wouldn't let me take a picture of him}.

I worked in the dental clinic some too.  The crowds swarmed at the gate!  It was a mad-house for a couple days.  They got as much toothpaste and toothbrushes as we could give.  {thank you to all who donated}  I tried to walk around the waiting area outside and talk with the little ones, I checked to see who I could send in to get their teeth cleaned.  Of course they were scared but I think I got a few of them.  My friend JP talked to a couple of them for me. {the man is awesome - he speaks 8 languages}  Seriously!

How has this experience impacted me?  {that is a loaded question}  I feel I'm still processing everything.  I will say that my heart is burdened more and more for that country.  I love the people very much and cherish those friendships {I do mean friendships - not just meet them and never see them again}.  I know the whole time I was there, I literally felt like I had to walk with God with every step.  I would become tired and worn out, plus my heart had it's own struggles... I had to continually pray for peace and that God would be with me.  This is not easy for someone as stubborn as I am.  My flesh gets the best of me many times.   This is a season of learning who God is and how he desires to have a relationship with me, to listen to him closer than ever before.  I have been disobedient SO much these past couple of years, I can see that now, but there's nothing I can do to change it.  I live with that regret.  In the Dominican, I was able to see God daily guide my heart and give me peace, as I continually listen for Him... learning what it means to be completely dependent on him.  There are things I cannot control, things will happen that I cannot make work or make it better.... but my hope is in the One who can, the One that I rely on for my every need.  

just a little light reading...

"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such a violent reaction against it?... Of course I could have given up my idea of justice by saying it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if i did that, then my argument against God collapsed too--for the argument depended on saying the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my fancies. Thus, in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist - in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless - I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality - namely my idea of justice - was full of sense. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never have known it was dark. Dark would be without meaning."  - C.S. Lewis

one day...

Wait for the man who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical.  
Wait for the man who will be your best friend, the person who will drop everything to be with you.  
Wait for the man who makes you smile like no other boy makes you smile.  
Wait for the man who praises God for you, and encourages you daily in your walk, and most importantly, 
wait for the man who is more in love with God than you.

{i'm a little iffy on the whole "drop everything to be with me part but the rest is true}

Psalm 146: 5 -6 

but happy are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, 
whose hope is in the LORD their God.  

He is the one who made heaven and earth, 

the sea and everything in them.  

He is the one who keeps every promise forever.  

having excess

“For the next few minutes, he described how he was selling his large house and had decided to give away many of his other possessions. He talked about the needs he wanted to invest his resources in for the glory of Christ. Then he looked at me through tears in his eyes and said, ‘I wonder at some points if I’m being irresponsible or unwise. But then I realize there is never going to come a day when I stand before God and he looks at me and says, ‘I wish you would have kept more for yourself.’ “ –Radical

I am planning to go to the Dominican Republic in February and I feel this tugging on my heart to give more and love more, to let go of my selfishness and greed {which can be so hard to recognize sometimes}.  Maybe this is God preparing me for what's ahead?  I feel like my love for others has not been actively shown as it should.  God is making me question the motivations of my heart and challenging me to love more.  

I am in the process of moving and looking at all that I have.  I kept saying "I just don't have that much stuff" but it didn't take long to realize I have excess!  I feel that there are others that would count these things as blessings, when I hold on to them as extra for me in case I need it.  Selfish, huh?  I have so much stuff, it's ridiculous!  I feel this tugging on my heart to let go and give these things away that clutter my life.  I don't need three bottles of lotion or two extra toothbrushes {that were freely given to me}.   I don't need the extra blue blanket in the closet!  

I was just talking with some friends about the DR trip last year and how I got to work in the dental clinic.  I will never forget the look on the kids faces as we gave them toothbrushes.  They were so excited!  It amazes me how much we take things for granted.   I tear up thinking of their little faces and the excitement in their eyes.  They were so thankful and I believe they felt loved {maybe in a small way} to know that someone cares and wants to provide for them.  I just hope they see that we do those things because Christ calls us to love and serve them.  

In the meantime, I hope I can give more here.  I don't want to hold on to things that only clutter my life, I don't want to have excess when the homeless guy down the street doesn't even have a bed to sleep on.  I don't need six scarfs when the lady I met at a homeless ministry was freezing and I knew she would be sleeping in a shelter that night.  I feel God tugging at my heart to let go of these things to bless others... now just have to step out and act on it.   

   

{promises}

I believe the holidays are getting to me.  This oh-so-obvious state of being single at Christmas is my latest struggle... as it is for many others.  {I just hate admitting it}.  The funny thing is that even through this struggle, I feel God reminding me of His promises a little bit everyday.

Today I was driving to my mom's house and I was reminded of a sweet word spoken to me years ago.   I was driving home from work and I was crying.  The story is that I liked this guy and he liked someone else.  She was incredibly talented and beautiful, and just the fact that he didn't like me made me feel that I was not those things.  I felt rejected.  My prayer wasn't really any words but more of a groaning really. {quite pathetic I know}  I do remember praying that God would bless me with a husband and that if this guy was not what was best for me, that He would bring someone else.  Then in a moment, my whole perspective changed.  I heard this sweet whisper.  It was one of those moments where you know it's not you, you just know that it's God...

"He will chase you as I have chased you and love you as I have loved you."  

I immediately felt at peace.  It gave me joy knowing that He cared about this heartbreak.  To know that God wasn't ignoring my pain, but was compassionate and spoke encouragement to me.  Weeks later, I began to doubt and wondered if that was really God speaking... did it even line up with the Word?  I found that in Ephesians 5, Paul talks about how we, as believers, should live our lives in wisdom and love for others.  He goes on to talk about the unity of husband and wife and how the marriage covenant should honor God.  

"And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church.  He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word.  He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.  Instead, she will be holy and without fault.  In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.  For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife.   No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.  And we are his body."  

It still amazes me that God cares about this part of my life.  That may sound silly to some, but for so long I felt like this part of my life was oblivious to Him.  I love knowing that God desires for me to pursued and loved by my husband.  He longs for me to be protected and cherished... as He already protects, cherishes and loves me as His bride.  I love how He wants me to love and respect my husband, to pray and care for him.  This gives me joy in knowing He will bless my marriage!  

As a young girl, I never wanted to get married.  Are you shocked?  Most people are when I tell them that.  I just never thought any good could come of getting married because of my parents.  As a young teenager, I came to know a wonderful youth pastor and his wife that showed me how a godly marriage should be.  They argued occasionally {in a healthy way of course} but more than anything I saw their love for one another.  They were affectionate and loving, they spoke with kindness and respect.  {something I never saw at home} I am SO thankful for them!  They made me believe that marriage can be a good thing.  I still struggled with this fear through my early twenties, but I began to see more and more marriages come together that honored God.  As I've grown in my faith, God's promises to me are more real everyday.  Unfortunately I am fought in this area more than any other part of my life.  Satan attacks me so much and I become discouraged... I believe He attacks more because he is aware of the blessing that is to come in my life.   I believe God has bigger plans for me than what I plan for myself!  I believe He is a loving Heavenly Father who only longs to give me good things.   {THAT} has taken me years to believe!  I believe part of his plan is to bless me with a husband, a family and a home that glorifies Him!  As a close friend once said.... "You were created for Him."  It really is all about Him, His timing, His plan.... so that He is glorified.   It's not about me.  

In regards to the guy that I liked back in the day.... thank you Jesus that I never dated him!  hahaha!  And because this is my blog and I am not naming any names I can say he was {at least back then} quite a coward, a gossip, and more of a follower than a leader.   I guess God knew what he was doing after all because I would have a hard time respecting a man like that.  

{provision}

Luke 12:27 - 32 
"Look at the lilies and how they grow.  They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.  And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?  You have so little faith!  And don't worry about food - what to eat and drink.  Don't worry whether God will provide it for you.  These things dominate the thoughts of most people, but your Father already knows your needs.  He will give you all you need from day to day if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.  So don't be afraid, little flock.  For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom."  


I must tell of God's provision and goodness in my life!  I had an extremely hard time writing a tithing check in November for many, many reasons.  I have questioned tithing but the more I read, the more I believe it's something God asks of us as believers.  I was worried about my bills and rent.  I was sitting in church and prayed that God would provide financially, help me get out of my current lease and provide for me a place to stay within a week {as I was planning to move in 7 days}.  I wrote the check and prayed that God would be faithful.... as He always is.

5 hours later.... a girl from church asked me if I needed a place to stay while my life adjusts for a bit.  Booyah!!!

i {LOVE} it when God provides!

Oh and btw - I owe nothing on my lease.  Go God!

... and I have a job starting in January.  :o)

God A.K.A. Genie in a bottle?

I've heard the question many times, "if God is such a loving God, why is there suffering and pain?" 

I have dealt with many situations in my life that have made me ask that question.  Situations such as when a young friend was taken in tragic motorcycle accident, friends hit by drunk drivers, family members were in horrible/almost fatal car accidents and loosing my Papaw to cancer.  Sometimes it's hard to still have hope, but at the end of the day, I still believe in a Savior that is faithful and good.  I believe in a God who has felt every pain we feel and comforts us through those difficult times.  Why do I believe this?  Is it just blind hope?

Please do not take what I'm about to say the wrong way.  Please do not think in any way that I am minimizing someone's pain.  I just ask myself - why do so many of us experience pain?  Then again, why not?  It seems I feel entitled to goodness and the easy life with no suffering.  Could it be that my view of God is this - that whatever god I serve, He should give me exactly what I want and when he doesn't live up to my expectations, then I no longer believe or trust him?  Because in my mind, that is what I think God should be?  He should do everything I ask, just like a genie and when he doesn't, he has failed me.  Why is my perception of God so... off?

So, why is there suffering?  I obviously don't have all the answers.  My belief is that sin entered this world thousands of years ago and continues to destroy lives.  I still believe God is sovereign and loving.  I believe He knows more than me and there is a greater, more beautiful plan than what I can see.  I grew up in an abusive home... why?  Because people have free will and make poor choices.  Why did I watch my friend die from a motorcycle accident?  I don't know, maybe God wanted him more than I did.

I don't know why God chooses to do certain things or why He allows things to happen.  But I know that my Savior suffered for me.
He was spat upon, whipped by metal belts that dug into his back and ripped the skin off.
He was stripped naked and forced to carry a cross meant for a common criminal.
He was nailed to a cross and died for me as a sacrifice for my sin.
He rose again on the third day, conquering death and fulfilling all prophecies of a Savior for all humanity. 
He took on all our sin... while we were still sinners.
I know that because of this... my Savior knows pain.
He understands our sufferings and our weaknesses.  And through the blood on the cross, He heals.
He mends our brokenness, He dries our tears and heals our deepest wounds.
Through the cross is peace.  And because of Him, I can live... even with all the suffering in the world.

He is not my genie.  He is my God.

"If you base your view of God’s love on your circumstances, you will become confused. There may be times when you will ask, “How could a loving God allow this to happen to me?” You may begin to question what you find clearly stated in the Word of God. God promised that you would never be separated from His love; He did not say that you would never face hardship, persecution, poverty, or danger. If you doubt that God could love you and still allow you to experience difficult experiences, consider the life of Jesus."    –Henry Blackaby