The About Me List - Play Along!

Today I decided I wanted to reflect on the quirkiness of who I am. I remember how I used to see these FB posts where my friends would share a list of all these cool, fun, quirky facts about themselves. No one on FB has done this in a while (years) and i really miss reading them! So, I'm kicking it off with a hope that you will play along and do the same. :) Let me know if any of these also apply to you. 

1. I love movies from the 80s - 90s such as BIG, What About Bob?, Can't Buy Me Love, Loverboy, Princess Bride, Ferris Bueller, Goonies, and Weekend at Bernies.  

2. I have a deep love for star gazing. Anytime, anywhere, just ask. 

3. My sense of direction is almost non-existent. 

4. I hold my pen the "incorrect" way, but i can't correct it now. 

5. I was in two legitimate fights as a kid, yet never got kicked out of school. 

6. I used to think a manual or stick shift of a car was also termed as a "stiff." 

7. For a long time (at least 2 years) I called Wifi, the "WeeFee." {Yes, go ahead and laugh}

8. I was in an intense discipleship program called Master's Commission in college {Google it}. We spent a lot of time together in our little community learning scripture. We traveled the U.S. speaking at churches, writing and performing skits and "human videos." 

9. I'm a soprano II (or alto I depending on the music). I love singing and i play piano, but i can't do both at the same time. I was in a small traveling choir in college called Ladies of Lee. 

10. I'm scared to do a flip because I just know i'll hit my head and need stitches. 

11. I received "The Silliest" award in my college dorm. Simmons Hall rocks!  

12. My primary love languages are quality time and words of affirmation - time spent really connecting with someone - laughing and having genuine conversations.

13. Over the years, I have learned that I'm more high maintenance than I once thought. :) good luck future hubby. 

14. I love when people initiate things and invite me. I'm 60% introvert {some extrovert tendencies - INFP/INFJ}.  

15. I went to Health Camp as a kid. Whenever i tell people that, they have no clue what i'm talking about. I loved all my health and anatomy classes in school. It fascinates me how the human body works. 

16. I've struggled with loneliness throughout my life and few people know how hard (how deep) this struggle really is.  

17. Improper grammar annoys me. You're is not the same as your. To is different than too and two.  Specific is different than Pacific.  Affect and effect mean two different things. And this new thing where people write "dat be" and "fraid of ah" and "this gyal is tunda" - that's not a language! It makes me cringe. Learn English, learn Spanish or French or Korean - anything that's a legitimate language, but stop trying to make one up and expect me to understand. 

18. As a runner, I am strangely proud of my beat-up feet. At times, I wish they were dainty with a beautiful pedicure, but after you run 13 miles, who cares? 

19. I'm gluten free and dairy free, and because of that I am now asthma free with very little allergies. 

20. I finished my second half marathon this past November with no inhaler and completely cured of asthma. My time was 2:02:35 and I'm very happy with that. 

21. I always wanted to be like the "cool kids" - the dancers and the cheerleaders - but that's simply not who I am. And I fully embrace who I am - nerdiness and all. :)  

22. The best burger I've ever had was called the Basque burger while i was in PARIS traveling with a good friend. 

23. I went zip-lining through the Appalachian mountains = one of the best days ever. 

24. I went cliff jumping within my first week of college. 

25. I was slightly chased by a goat in the Dominican. 

26. I hopped on a mo-ped with a stranger and drove through crazy traffic in the Dominican. 

27. I love both mountains and the beach, but the mountains are my favorite. They're beautiful and full of vibrant color, and the stars are brighter! {Plus the temperature is 10x better}. 

28. My heart longs to do missions, but God has closed that door. I'm patiently waiting to see what will happen and where God will lead me next. 

29. I love photography and understand cameras pretty well, but if you put me in front of a slow computer and ask me to fix the problem, i just want to scream. 

30. I came to know Christ in a wonderful Pentecostal church which I still love dearly. However, if I could encourage them to change one thing within the denomination, it would be to teach more about grace. 

31. I am not a fan of "know-it-alls" that close their minds and remain in their ignorance. I respect those more that humble themselves to listen, ask questions, and be teachable. I truly hope I can be a lifelong learner. 

32. When I was little, my mom lost me in the grocery store because I was really sleepy and randomly decided to lay down for a nap on top of the toilet paper stacks. It was the softest spot to lay down. :) 

33. When I first got contacts I only needed one. My mom called me Cyclops. {still makes me laugh}

34. I have a burden for children, especially those in poverty and slavery. Something new stirring deep in my heart these last few months has been a bigger burden for the persecuted church. 

35. This year has so far been a season of a beautiful, deep struggle. God is nudging me to know myself and fully embrace who I am. He is teaching me so much about me and about Him. I love who I am and how He designed me - even the deepest parts. And I love Him even more. 

That's all I can think of for now! I hope you play along and post some fun facts about yourself! :) 

Perfect love casts out fear

I have been spending a lot more time at the piano lately. I used to play a lot when I was a kid, for hours actually. I loved the sound that each note made and I was fascinated that the sounds could blend so beautifully with just a touch. And I would sing and sing and sing!

My life right now has been flipped around. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s hard. It’s very hard. For a while, I was failing to realize how much I allow fear to affect me. It’s a paralyzing fear aiming for perfection, being what people expect instead of, well… instead of me.

I go through phases where I’ll feel confident and secure and I’m truly being myself. It’s a wonderful feeling to be free and not care! I love it! I feel free, and wonderfully weird and loved! It’s beautiful! I laugh loud and I speak my mind. I fully love those around me and embrace them. I feel genuine and free! 

Then fear creeps in. Ugly, disruptive FEAR. It puts me at a stand-still. I want to leap and I can’t. I’m hindered and holding back. There are many things God has been showing me lately and one is this:

Our fight is not against human beings. It is against the rulers, the authorities and the powers of this dark world. It is against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly world. Ephesians 6:12

Fear can control a lot when we let it. It hinders us, it hinders relationships... with people and with God Himself. It keeps us from taking that step toward what we truly want, it keeps us from fully loving others, it keeps us from embracing who we really are and who we’re created to be. This fear is not from God. I hate fear. I hate how the enemy works. I’m beginning to see his sneaky tactics. I hate how Satan creeps in slowly with fear without us even realizing what he’s doing… and before you know it, it’s too late! The fear is overwhelming. He infuriates me.

Today I was playing piano and I’ve been asked to play many times for people and I turn them down. I’ve been asked to sing and I turn them down. I just recently started playing for the children’s choir at church and it’s nerve-wracking for me. God has to truly cover me before I go up there! I worry about missing a note. I freak if I get off beat! It takes me forever to learn music. I feel like this horrible amateur who is trying to be better than what I really am. I’m trying so hard to not mess up!!

I like to go alone to play piano and sing. No one can hear (I don’t think). It’s my worship time. Sometimes I end up in tears, sometimes I end up swaying and singing, sometimes I don’t feel like playing worship and I play Broadway songs.

Today I tried again to learn more of the song I Am Not Alone, sung by Kari Jobe. I played it a few times with some struggle... ok, a lot of struggle. Then I heard this sweet whisper and God spoke to me,

Sing for Me. Just sing.

As Moses told God at the burning bush, I told God – I can’t do that. It’s hard to sing and play at the same time. I mess up a lot. I really mess up, like my hands can’t do it. My fingers get tangled and my voice shakes.

Then He said it again…

Just sing. I love for you to sing to Me. I never asked you to be perfect. I don’t care if you mess up.

You don’t need to be perfect. Just be you. I love your heart. Be you My daughter… just sing and play.

And so I played and sang. And there was peace and beauty in it. There was no fear. 

So, here I am learning to overcome fear. Learning that I have power to overcome this enemy of my soul. All this talk about fear reminds of one very powerful thing. Satan can do nothing without God’s permission. This fear will not overcome me. I know the God who wins every battle and that same God is fighting for me.

And it’s not the end.