Perfect love casts out fear

I have been spending a lot more time at the piano lately. I used to play a lot when I was a kid, for hours actually. I loved the sound that each note made and I was fascinated that the sounds could blend so beautifully with just a touch. And I would sing and sing and sing!

My life right now has been flipped around. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s hard. It’s very hard. For a while, I was failing to realize how much I allow fear to affect me. It’s a paralyzing fear aiming for perfection, being what people expect instead of, well… instead of me.

I go through phases where I’ll feel confident and secure and I’m truly being myself. It’s a wonderful feeling to be free and not care! I love it! I feel free, and wonderfully weird and loved! It’s beautiful! I laugh loud and I speak my mind. I fully love those around me and embrace them. I feel genuine and free! 

Then fear creeps in. Ugly, disruptive FEAR. It puts me at a stand-still. I want to leap and I can’t. I’m hindered and holding back. There are many things God has been showing me lately and one is this:

Our fight is not against human beings. It is against the rulers, the authorities and the powers of this dark world. It is against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly world. Ephesians 6:12

Fear can control a lot when we let it. It hinders us, it hinders relationships... with people and with God Himself. It keeps us from taking that step toward what we truly want, it keeps us from fully loving others, it keeps us from embracing who we really are and who we’re created to be. This fear is not from God. I hate fear. I hate how the enemy works. I’m beginning to see his sneaky tactics. I hate how Satan creeps in slowly with fear without us even realizing what he’s doing… and before you know it, it’s too late! The fear is overwhelming. He infuriates me.

Today I was playing piano and I’ve been asked to play many times for people and I turn them down. I’ve been asked to sing and I turn them down. I just recently started playing for the children’s choir at church and it’s nerve-wracking for me. God has to truly cover me before I go up there! I worry about missing a note. I freak if I get off beat! It takes me forever to learn music. I feel like this horrible amateur who is trying to be better than what I really am. I’m trying so hard to not mess up!!

I like to go alone to play piano and sing. No one can hear (I don’t think). It’s my worship time. Sometimes I end up in tears, sometimes I end up swaying and singing, sometimes I don’t feel like playing worship and I play Broadway songs.

Today I tried again to learn more of the song I Am Not Alone, sung by Kari Jobe. I played it a few times with some struggle... ok, a lot of struggle. Then I heard this sweet whisper and God spoke to me,

Sing for Me. Just sing.

As Moses told God at the burning bush, I told God – I can’t do that. It’s hard to sing and play at the same time. I mess up a lot. I really mess up, like my hands can’t do it. My fingers get tangled and my voice shakes.

Then He said it again…

Just sing. I love for you to sing to Me. I never asked you to be perfect. I don’t care if you mess up.

You don’t need to be perfect. Just be you. I love your heart. Be you My daughter… just sing and play.

And so I played and sang. And there was peace and beauty in it. There was no fear. 

So, here I am learning to overcome fear. Learning that I have power to overcome this enemy of my soul. All this talk about fear reminds of one very powerful thing. Satan can do nothing without God’s permission. This fear will not overcome me. I know the God who wins every battle and that same God is fighting for me.

And it’s not the end.

Isaiah 54 - A Word of Encouragement

I wrote this piece a while back, months ago in fact, and kept telling myself I need to post it.  So today is the day.  Before I share my thoughts on Isaiah 54, I have to share something wonderful that happened as I was writing this piece. 

The day I was writing this, I was praying in my office at work, door was closed and I needed time alone.  I turned on an audio commentary from blueletterbible.org with David Guzik teaching on this chapter.  It was on in the background at first; I can’t write with music or people talking.  So I had started writing and praying, continually going back and forth to study.  I finally had to put the speaker completely on mute. 

I began to pray and tears were streaming down my face; fear can overwhelm me sometimes. {Just being completely vulnerable here} There are days when I feel very alone.  Despite the fact that I know I am loved, I forget God's promises and Satan attacks my heart and my mind.  It was one of those days.  

Honestly, I enjoy being single. It allows me to do things I may not be able to do as a married woman.  If I want to go out with friends on a Friday or take a random road trip, peace out! :)  I'm there!  It's nice.  And I have amazing friends and family, I love them all.  However, my heart still looks forward to one day being married with a husband/helpmate/lover and companion.  It is a desire.  And when you are single and work in ministry, let’s just say guys are not exactly beating down my door - which btw I don’t understand because we are so much fun!  And I think I’m pretty cute.  {hey, I am allowed to say that and say it with confidence.} ;) 

Anyways, as a single woman, watching so many of my friends get married and have children, it hits me with destructive thoughts, “Will my life ever move forward?” or “I need to get over this and understand that God just doesn’t have those plans for me, so I need to face facts.” 

Some people don’t believe that God speaks anymore like He did with Moses or Joshua, but I truly believe He does, because He continually speaks to me!  It has happened many times.  I don't understand it, but He confirms it every time and I know it's God.  THIS was just another wonderful instance. 

What happened?
So, when I was in my office praying, I prayed the Holy Spirit would comfort me, I think I actually uttered the words, ‘please help me. I just need to feel You.'    And I literally felt like He wrapped me in His arms and held me, it suddenly became very warm in my office.  Of course, I was crying, then I heard Him whisper “I Am enough.”  :)  

God was just reminding me of who He is and He is enough.  Everything I need.  It was encouraging to hear that, but that’s not all.  Then something odd and amazing happened… I dried my eyes and turned the commentary back on.  It had been playing but I had muted it.  When I turned it back up, the speaker was referencing verse 5. 

“For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.”

He read the verse, then he said, “It’s as if the Lord is saying to you ‘I Am enough.”
Ahhhhhhhh!  I was shocked!  I couldn’t believe that just happened!  J  God's perfect timing.  It was so wonderful to hear that confirmation.  I just had to share.  Sorry this piece is long, but I do hope it is a blessing to someone out there reading this.  This was heavy on my heart for a while and felt like I should share.   Please post or share any thoughts, I love hearing from people! :) 

ISAIAH 54~

“Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;

break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not been in labor!

For the children of the desolate one will be more

than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord.

“Enlarge the place of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;

do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes.

For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left, and your offspring will possess the nations and will people the desolate cities” {vs1 – 3}.

Isaiah 54 has been heavy on my heart.  I keep reading, trying to understand why God is pressing this on me. The first couple verses tell a once barren woman to now sing because she is no longer barren.  Why is this even mentioned? 

As I have been studying, I read that back then in Israel, it was a great disgrace for a woman to be unable to bear children.  So in her moments of feeling shameful, feeling alone and discouraged because of her struggle, the Lord is comforting her with a promise.  It’s a promise of restoration and blessing!  All that was the past, all the shame and loneliness she has felt, God is erasing and doing a new work.  He promises to restore and bless.  Israel will be restored like a woman who was once barren.  She is also compared to a widow without reproach.  As there is sadness that attacks a widow, God promises to stand in the place of her husband. 

“Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your

widowhood you will remember no more.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
⁶ For the Lord has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,” says your God.

With compassion, God responds ‘don’t you realize who I am.  I Am.  I am your Maker, I designed you and have loved you with an everlasting love.  Before I even formed you in the womb, I knew you.'

“the Lord of hosts is my name” …means the God of Heavenly armies.  Wow.  How’s that for a husband?  Nothing and no one on earth can compare!  He is saying, ‘I am God Almighty – powerful, Sovereign, and still closer and more intimate than any earthly husband can be for you.’

“For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.
⁸ In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
says the Lord, your Redeemer.”

God describes our trial from His perspective. God is calling us to trust Him, to remember who He is and that He will bring us restoration. 

For the mountains may depart

    and the hills be removed,

but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,

    and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,”

    says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

“O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted,

    behold, I will set your stones in antimony,

    and lay your foundations with sapphires....

He is teaching us that even though something as steady as the mountains may move, but His kindness will never depart from us!  His compassion is always there and He is reaching out to comfort those that are hurting.  A couple weeks ago, I was praying and it had been an emotionally draining weekend. I was praying and felt as if the Holy Spirit was saying to me, “why do you cry as though I left you?  I have never left you.”   I felt like He had such compassion on me in that moment of weakness.  He didn't look down, slap me around and tell me to get over it, but God had compassion on me. 

Far too often I question His goodness. I doubt Him and I don’t trust.  I struggle with thinking that He may allow something to come into my life that hurts, I’m afraid of the risk.  Far too often I view God like I do a person... as someone full of sin and flaws. I forget that He is GOD. Not a god that we have created with our hands, not a god that we made-up, but GOD.. our Creator. He is everything. He is the beginning and the end; nothing compares to Him. He is the one true LIVING God.  

When we are feel as if we have hit our lowest point, we ‘feel’ poor, weak and as though we have nothing. God is comforting his child with these words, reminding them they are not without, they are not poor but they are “rich.”   

I love Isaiah 54 and I take it as a word of encouragement directly from God, as this is the Word of the Living God, which is something I easily forget far too often. I serve the living God, He is not dead but He answers when we call and He is our strength and encouragement when we need it. 
{~ A Thankful heart}